Crimson Red , monotonous grey

Wednesday, March 11, 2009 8:07 PM

Bitter Feelings

Hello humans. its another day. Stayed back after triple S for footdrill training. for no reason why i became a sorta an ic for the drills? O__o oh well but its pretty nice to interact with them anyway. i am leaving soon so might as well use the time to have fun with them even though i felt very far from them.

I was so worried over history for last night ill this morning. I woke up late so i did not have the chance to study , that alone almost make me break down as i dont want to fail my history. I have worked hard to keep a passing grade for my first and second test , so i dont want the third test to break the record. i am failing the other subjects already. I cant fail this. I got to work harder. And how? I aint sure either. just work hard i guess.

It seriously feels good to pour my own feelings here. Perhaps i may seem naggy but its my blog anyway. I dont have to care what others felt. + those songs uploaded here are to make me relax as i study. Listen as you like , i kinda like these soothing songs.

Today i gave a careful thought to what i want in my future. I envy those who have a decesion already. I too have something i like , i love to design , any sort of designing would sort of appeal to me. Yet it will be a hard road ahead. Not because of O levels but because what if i choose the wrong course. Designing is a course where in the future you might not have a stable income! how would i survive? i have seen many cases of people who loved drawing but gave it up due to they need to survive in the reality. Reality is extremely harsh i say. And the path i am going take is going to make me sacrifice alot of things.

"if thats your dream , go for it!" is what people told me. ugh.. this sentence to me seemed so fake. You can never survive in the real world with your dreams , passion and love. Thats just so naive. It could obviously show those people had not see the ugly side yet. I am not trying to say i am all high and mighty but i cant bring myself to believe this kind of things. In the past i trusted it and what i get in return? nothing. nothing at all.

dont mind me. i am just like this. you guys need not force yourselves to think this way.
i am just pessimistic. i need to calm down. seriously.

perhaps , soemday i will give up the pencil. should i leave drawing a good memory and regret that i could not hold on to it forever? Or should i carry on and with the tendency of hating to pick up the pencil in the future?

i dont know.
i dont know.
i dont know.

i cant make a choice.