Red Art Passion

GSS + etc

2009-06-22T19:52:00.003+08:00

what does GSS means? - Great Singapore "Sale". (note the sale word)

have you ever met with a situation where you have no decent clothes to wear for going out?
i do. i am facing this problem these days.

i aint someone who loves to dress up but i do have a minimal respect for myself is to look decent. i dont have to look fabulous. just decent will do. and now i cant even reach this standard which makes me so upset. well i am a girl afterall no matter what , i still care about certain things to a certain extent. hah.

okay back to situation. so this is one day i fumble through my cwardrobe just to find clothes to wear for dinner outside. the sad thing is i couldnt find any shorts to wear. (what horror) immediately i freak out and i had to get an old washed out pants to wear. i swear i look no wear decent , i jsut looked plain stupid. shirts and pants that dont match only me hell. i swear i look plain stupid.

recently i gotten rid of my rough dry hair problem. my hair (before) was often dry , curly and messy. finally i change my shampoo and bought a bottle of conditioner to heal/treat/wash my hair and now it looks way better. it looks more healthy , at least my hair is not easily tangled and dry/frizzy. its smoother and neater (and straighter O__O) now. having a good hair day these days hah!

so apparently. tania who doesnt take good care of herself which means she does not indulge into material things landed her into such pathetic state. (lack of cltohes/shoes and frizzy hair)

thus i might shop for new things during the sale. (OMG TANIA IS SHOPPING?! HOLY HELL!)
i dont really like to shop , searching for clothes and shoes is like a chore to me. but its way better than lacking of clothes and shoes to wear right?

oh well , i will push aside my "hatred" towards shopping and shop.
to salvage myself before its too late.

*sigh*

wait..

2009-06-22T01:19:00.002+08:00

and then everything stops.

fear engulf me till my heart stops beating.

there i lay cold and still.

this is retribution.

a destiny to be lonely forever.

am i really destined to be like that? could someone tell me that it would never ever happen?

hellos! err... the one on the top was just some random ramblings. so just ignore kay?
offff tttooo bed! tomorrow is school + northpoint¬

Oh yesyesyes!

2009-06-21T14:44:00.004+08:00

YIPPEEEE! I GOT ACCEPTED!
imagine those people getting woke up by my screamings and shoutings :D

finally , the lovely host accept the fact to host me as one of its hostees! which means i am going all out to say bye-bye to blogger and hello to a whole new website :D dont worry when its done i will tell ya guys to relink me if ya like :D

i cant wait till tomorrow or anytime to receive a mail from my host saying that i could login!
*screams and laughs like a hysterical baka*

nownownow. i need to do a layout.
but my computer is down.
and i am using an old comp.

*sigh*
gotta find photoshop. + my old codes..

Sigh sigh sigh

2009-06-20T02:00:00.003+08:00

Did maths today. i needa dooo moooorrrreeeee.
watch a movie , great show but wasted time D: there goes time for studying.
tomorrow going back to school for more studying!

fed up with blogger for no reason at all. well actually theres seriously no reason. i jsut wanted to drop blogger already.
had been searching for a subdomain host for like ages (15mins) and finally i found 1 lovely one.
do hope that the host would accept me and i can start up a site again. when its successful , i would also shift my blog over so you guys might need to relink. its a might only though. i wish to receive the reply asap!!! i am exited to get all hands on with a site already DDDD:

imagine... i could like..
customise my own layout to my own liking without worrying of restrictions. (like blogger)
nice URL name :DD
add all kinds of my fav stuffs in like portfolio , or timetable or reviews ...
*pls ignore the above , currently mad at the moment)

anyway replies about the creative suite :

adobe dreamweaver CS4
adobe flash CS4 Professional
Adobe photoshop CS4 extended
adobe illustrator CS4
adobe fireworks CS4
adobe acrobat 9 Pro
adobe soundbooth CS4
adobe contribute CS4

with addition of :
adobe bridge CS4
adobe version cue CS4
adobe device central CS4

(video training DVD included)

effing lots right? thats why i say its lovely!

sigh..

2009-06-17T00:10:00.002+08:00

nothing fruitful the past few days. i am pretty much filled with fatigue and i just felt so ill. i could barely study.. all i could do is to read through my history textbook and notes. seems like i am going to flunk my prelim 2...

sigh. sigh. sigh.
i guess when i felt better , i got to study even harder than before.i am going to grab people to form study groups just to study hah! missed the class outing D: me being ill.. sigh.. why do people plan things when i cant make it. its just so fabulous. well maybe is my fault.

i gotten the casco book and did like 2 pages before being ill. i do hope that could help me. i got to feel better soon! i want to devour my history textbook along with it! i guess the only subject that is stable now is my history. exclude social studies lah.. nothing gets in.

my amaths is in the CMI state. i guess i am going to get an F9 for it? till now , i know absolute nothing about amaths. kill me.. why didnt i drop it? i believe the fact not to give up. so. oh well i am not giving up. i am going to study amaths... if i can.

subjects are killing me. even my best subject which is science became one of my worst. blame on the fact i played and did not study. i guess i will switch on now.

switch on?

didnt i mention before?
i am someone who cant get determined easily but if i can , its the same as full speed engine and i will go all the way.

thats what i did for my sec 2 to get excellent results. :)
oh well.. engine starto!

*breaks down*

so in love with you...

2009-06-14T22:10:00.003+08:00

MY ADOBE CREATIVE SUITE! OH MAMA!
(not obama mind you. neither obala please.)

itsinmyroomnow!
holy macaroni! hualalala! hallelujah! praise the revolution! aishiteru! koishiteru! saranghae! ITS ADOBE GODDAMIT!!!! the real thang!

okay. back.
well finally , i got my hands on the educational pack of the adobe creative suite which cost $99 instead of the retail price $978. its in a oh so lovely box and i cant take my eyes off it. its my new lover now , other than my art box , computer , current photoshop and papers. (lols. wierd stuff)
i am gonna keep it properly , its too delicate for me to open. :DDDDDDDDD

i will wait till a few months later to open it. for now , it shall be a major eye candy :D

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
sigh. lets get serious. for those who cant handle random long ramblings , you may stop , or else it is going to take a toll on both your spirit and body. for those who try , well good luck.

thought about my future the past few days. i guess i will rethink about it after my O levels. i really dont have the courage to walk on to the next part of my life. i fear passing by day by day and being an adult sooner or alter.

i dont wish to be an adult. not that i wish to be pampered and taken care of for the rest of my life.. but.. i dont like how the adults think. they are narrow minded. being a kid is better as you can see things in a wider perspective.

actually , from the way i said it. i am running away. yep i know that. accept the fact that i am afraid to face the reality. the reality is.. just too much. it is not something i can handle. i cant handle the way i am now so how am i suppose to walk on? why hadn't i have been a stronger person? with more confidence to keep walking on?

ah. the answer is. no thanks to my obstacles.

thanks to that sword which had been stabbing me , i learnt more about life. yet i despise you to the core. you who are mentally within me and i doubt i can forget you for life. thats what i call the so call minor trauma. i hate you , i hate you my obstacles that never made my life easy. you are the answer to my depression.

well i know you guys would tell me to put it down already. but have you met with a situation where you cant put down before? would you know how it feels? got on the jackpot in you right? hahah.

oh well. stop with the ramblings before i go overboard.
well , probably you guys would ask : why are you so negative about life? learn to be positive!

my answer is...
i see and felt the ugly truth more than normal people.

and what do i mean by that?
tsk. you wouldnt need me to spell it out right!?

funny humans.
insolent obstacles.

errr.. Hel-lo?

2009-06-13T15:59:00.006+08:00

i cant believe it. i am the victim yet i have to welcome you with open arms. that makes me so so plain pathetic.

actually i am curious about whats happening in the girls blogs. (well , like guys barely have blogs please) they are actually back.. no .. front .. no no ... Net stabbing? and it seems like is the same person? i dont know , but from the sentences and descriptions , i can infer its all on one person.
(infer seh =.=)

so seriously , i could see the not-so-good-with-each-other-but-not-enemies actually shaking hands and agreeing. woah. a revolution. the world is turning the other way round. so hello? i am dumbfounded as i dont know like what the heck is going on. anyone care to fill in me WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON? seriously , seeing the parties shaking hands in agreement seriously seriously FREAK ME OUT. now tell me , i know that i aint good at getting juicy info so tell me...

the world is not turning another way right?

back to my life.
i am wasting time playing stuffs in facebook and obviously i did not study. well i did.. by reading through the history textbook. coolio. felt pathetic as my friends are in geography thus i cant ask for help neither can i form study groups with them on history. *sigh*

i am getting slightly better in drawing again. which is good news. i might post some art up later as eye candies... no no... to make all your eyes bleed~

edit://
okay , actually i finished it early but i forgot to post it up. here we go , a dark quick cg.
meaning , idid not even take effort to do this.. i just wanted to finish it that badly haha.

lord of dream. self created character , which means copyrighted to me. *:D*
(like anyone would take the idea anyway lol)

Name : unknown (known as Lord of dream , or extortionist)
Age : pretty young.. 17 actually. (I KNOW HE DONT LOOK LIKE 17!)
family (spoiler) : has a sister

More info : he is known as the lord of dream due to he can manipulate dreams. he isnt a god , thus he isnt the one who gives people good or bad dreams. He is someone that enters a person's dream realm and gets informations out of it. meaning , he can enter into his enemy's realm and get the required info. due to his ability and no one knows his name , they call him the lord of dream , in a bad way.

simply saying : hey toys with someone's dream realm.

and whats a dream realm? USE YOUR IMAGINATION :D

Stupid things

2009-06-13T00:11:00.002+08:00

felt stupid these days. spending my time away like that. i am lacking the motivation to study. i dont really have a goal in the future actually. what i like is actually the source of my heartache and troubles.

how would a person get a decent job in the future with the abilities of art in singapore? barely.
i have known of this reality a long long time ago.
even if you can find a job , you would need to excel.
so can i do it? hard. i saw people doing way better than me. thats the harsh reality. even though i hate it , i have to accept it , unwillingly.

i cant accept the fact that i am a slow learner. i cant accept it! i simply cant! i have so much to learn now and i am still learning slowly? why cant i be smarter? or lets jsut say , why arent i born smart or a genius? why aint i born with a natural talent? all the talents i have , i have to train like some mad person.

people praise me for being born as a gifted child in art but thats so wrong! they have not seen the true gifted person!

all these ache in my heart.
serioualy, i cant put it down , i cant put down the judgement of being a fake. an imperfect replica.

let me think over the night.
perhaps i would be better. no tears , no sadness. just plain thinking and reflection. the best thing to do now is to think of how to set out my things.

i am going to get the emaths Casco book soon. i lack of practice. hopefully that will motivate me to work. i can do it. i am someone if i could set my mind to do it , i will go in full speed. i know it , i can do it. all i just need to do now is to stand right up , stand firmly against the harsh wind and storm.

this roller coaster ride is going to be over soon. yes it will. it will.. right?

seriously , it ache to know the truth. what i love to do , be it music or art , i could never really grasp it within my weak arms. believe it or not.. i wish to be a ballerina but i did not do anything. thus that dream float away. i wish to be a pianist but i miss my chance. i wish to be a violinist but i lacked the courage. i wish to be a better artist yet my abilities could only take me to a certain level. i wish to be all these , yet i have to face the fact being told by my parents that..

to think wisely. these are not stable jobs.
are you sure this is your future?

it seriously ache , really really badly.
i guess.. i could not do the things i love in this life?

my heart is aching now. it may seem insignificant to you all.. but its a great blow on me.
you may not understand and i dont ask you to understand.

so shut your mouth for stupid gossips or whatsoever measely humans.

holy crap

2009-06-07T19:31:00.003+08:00

great , terrific , fabulous , its just the greatest thing on earth. EVER.
please get my sacarstic tone for this , god dammit.

SNOK! (once again : so not okay)
i did not study much this weekend!

saturday - the day of being depressed about unable to reach my expectations for my mock exam.
sunday - cooking day thus spending up hours. (photos in facebook)

sigh sigh sigh.
i better study now. or else i am flunking prelim 2 which is SNOK!

i wonder why i change my blogskin. guess am bored of the old one. + this got the vintage feel too it.

i know , its wierd for someone to like vintage + classy stuffs.
like me. from clothes to life.

STUDY EMATHS GODAMMIT!
or flunk prelim2 :D anyone can help me?

hurry , hurry up and end Os. lemme pass it with flying colors. so that i can advance more in the way i want to live. to be enriched in the Arts. to learn the violin and piano , to learn all kinds of art style , from anime art to pointilism. to appreciate art from different countries , to listen to classical music everyday , to watch how people dance gracefully. lemme get in touch with books , lemme spend my whole time reading and reading and beside me shall lay a cup of hot chocolate or milo. lemme spend more times with my friends , going out to shop or play , basically anything , just to have fun. i want this kind of life. when would it come to me? it should be soon right? i want this kind of life. and for it , i will do it.

Pink bun bun OVA-LOAD.

2009-06-05T21:04:00.003+08:00

Anyway i am back my dear readers and ~~fans~~. pelase dont miss me as it gives me nothing but goosebumps. and i so not cannot draw when i am having them. *glare*

this week is pretty fruitful , exclude the night time. the times in school , i practice alot on my maths and f and n. when i got back home , i was jsut plain tired and just fall on the bed instantly. too tired. i could barely study at night. but now? hmmm i might sleep well tonight and chiong my maths tomorrow.

sigh.. my science are still CMI. (cannot make it) its really SNOK. (so not okay)
sigh sigh... other than maths.. theres still science. murder me please.

oh welll... lets jsut buck up my maths first.. i will do science when i have the time. (probably i wont have..)

anyway , used my tablet today and felt so shiok. did a new design but i was sleepy thus the coloring is messy. D: here ya go guys... the..

PINK BUN BUN OVA-LOAD.

another character design series. made to please people. *shot*
bunny + pink lovers = may like this suit more.
but dont use my design , even if ya want i wont allow D: (like anyone would use *shot*)

yawn... lemme sleepppp...
thanks for the active comments for the previous picture!

comment for this too? i know... alot of pink.

Bleed

2009-06-03T22:15:00.002+08:00

"It stayed so still there , so beautiful , calm and serene. The curves at the edges , the smooth texture of earth and the shining threads of life. I walked towards it , reaching towards it. Gently , i place my fingers on the thread , strumming it gently , feeling filled with happiness. As when theres a strong sense of desire devour me , the thread snapped. Causing a cut on my finger that flowed out red liquid of life.

then at the very moment , i understand. Whats yours , is yours. Whats not? Then dont bother trying to get it.

despite the many moments in my life which taught me this logic , yet i could never get it right. what a selfish and ugly greed , that i can never ever shake off."

ignore as usual if you like. nothing to do with life anyway. oh , by the way , what i am mentioning is a string instrument.
sigh.

tired. and i rarely blog. cool.
cant type much , gotta do my F and N and emaths D:
sigh.. i am going to fail the mock exam.
but at least lemme get a double digit!

phew..

2009-05-30T00:32:00.003+08:00

seriously a little break wont hurt right? studying like a mad cat till i got sick of the subject. so i decided to sit down and draw instead. obviously i always have things to draw, and these days i am doing up character design for my buddies :D

so.. today we are presenting... :

tadah! please do note that i did not color this picture properly neither did i draw this properly. its pretty rushed up work but i kinda like the sketchy design to it. hope ya like it too.

so whats this suit about? :DDD you may skip this.

- well from all the treble clefs , you can guess its from a music academy. as i am lazy to think of a great name , i shall call it Tenshi Gakuen (academy) for now.

-treble clef pin on the red cloth of the shirt means : student.

treble clef with wings (not shown here) means : section leaders.

- neck band : optional to wear.

- hair clip : optional to wear.

- armband (right of girl) is for Elite Students.

students who excell in music gets this. they must be within the range of top 100.

logo vary for different instrument but the basic treble clef + wing must be there. (school logo)

- boots apply to all. height of boots can be changed by elite students but must not exceed 5cm in height.

- (most right) back view of the uniform. school logo there.

i guess thats all.

back to studying chinese.

next character design coming up after chinese O!

jiayou everyone!

Life is like..

2009-05-25T20:30:00.003+08:00

"i trot down the lonely lane , breathing in the cold wintery air. The surroundings were covered by nature's soft white blanket. I cant help but look at them dearingly as i remembered the times when my mother was still alive. I wanted to gaze at them more but a tinge of fear shot right up my spine to my brain telling me , someone's coming. someone's coming. Immediately i know who it was and i began to run.

Adrenaline burst into the every fibre in my body as i run like i had never run before. But i could still feel the towering figure behind me. No one can see "it". Only me who is "gifted" with these special eyes to see the dead. I never liked this gift , in fact i loathe it. I wonder why do i have this gift in the first place? Was it to kill me? Or did i have something to do?

I kept running and running and suddenly i mutter under my breath, "i wish i could have wings that can bring me to the other side of the world". i was shocked and another thought came into my mind. "be careful of what you wish for"

too late.
the next thing i knew was that feathery wings burst out from my back as i scream in pain when the wings attempt to push out of my skin. All i know was pain as i staggered , trying to balance myself. i saw red petals on the snowy floor and the next thing i know , i am in the sky."

weee.
lookie~ an attempt of typing out a little fictional story. apparently i failed terribly. like what the hell are those? apparently i dont know how do i get these ideas. perhaps from books i read and all jumbled up to make these paragraphs. give me views about this or something? perhaps you guys should try writing out a story , its a pretty good way to test your creativity~

urggg..
off to read chinese.

iamprettymuchsufferingnow.
notbecauseofolevelchinesecomingupbutbecauseitseemlikeiamlosingmyabilitytodrawagain.
i am sad now.

Freakily terrific

2009-05-23T23:11:00.003+08:00

"those little critters at the back. tch. when are they EVER going to stop poking me? insolent fools."

did not touch much on mother tongue today.

missed school today.

slept alot today.

cant draw properly.

but in the end i am fine.

tomorrow gotta do more chinese.

anyway lemme present to ya my new drawings. known as the...

OH I SEE ~ Project

01. i like the fellas as the back. they are the reason for these works. shoujo-ish manga =.=

then the little fellas when overboard. ifyougetwhatimean :D

well actually i wanted to do non romance hinted manga by oh well.

obviously the guy is pissed off. who wont be when you are swarmed by these critters?

i love these pictures. critters FOR THE WORLD!

lol. i do hope this is a funny post.

i hope.

Thank You

2009-05-22T18:18:00.003+08:00

"looking from the corner of my eye , i cant help but smile at the happy times. how long will it go on? fear engulfed me. it will end someday , but i wish its not soon"

things have change. alot. i used to be stressed up over everything. but , after just now i felt alive. pouring everything out , enjoying the mother nature. i had not been to a park for a long time. i made a wish to the mother nature. i know i sound silly here but i want to learn to believe. its hard for me but i will do my best to learn it. to believe in myself , hope and others.

theres still a maze within me. but today i walked out from it. feeling great. even if its jsut a little while , i felt great , free and i dont fear anything. now i am back in the maze , hoping someone would enter and find me instead of getting lost.

little bets and the chit chat sessions were made. i bet we cant get this kind of happy feeling in polytechnics or whatever. hah.

now i am going to practice drawing as much as possible.
why? well... maybe i will tell yoy guys some other time.

Drag

2009-05-22T01:09:00.002+08:00

i am plain tired these days. serious. slept alot. worried over all the freaky test coming up that i stuck my face in the textbook till i slept late.
bad me.

i can barely study after school today. sigh , that means tomorrow i need to work harder to study twice the amount. gotta finish up emaths trigo and start on those freaky circle chapters. soon needa do chemistry and physics. reading MTL articles like usual , trying to pinpoint out my weaknesses. i need to practice more.

i got a break through reading. finished the second novel in the House of Night series which is Betrayed. tomorrow i am going start with the third book called Chosen. weeness. i dont have the fourth book. gotta wait till a chance to buy it. seriously , all those reading have changed me. it seems my volcabulary bank expanded. i could not really remember the words but if i saw it , i can identify the meaning.

which means its useless in paper 1 but its great for paper 2. no use. =.=''

i still have 3 books (err 4..) waiting for me to be read. hmm i gotta speed up as i want more books but i gotta slow down due to MTL. good luck to everyone working hard for it! i wish to excel , i dont expect much but at least a B3 or B4. but the best is A1 or A2 though D:

oh well , off to bed for me. gotta prepare well for tomorrow study session.

tsk.

2009-05-20T22:26:00.001+08:00

F and N test tomorrow.
had not study. dang. i will now.

did something great these days.
i actually did emaths. (trigo)
gonna finish emthas textbook chapter 10!
weee.

i am happy.
i am gonna read chinese notes too.
gotta study study study.

another good news is..
I GOT B4 FOR CHINESE!

neon-chomp-chomp (edited)

2009-05-17T20:40:00.002+08:00

great great gree-- what?

yesterday i finished a book. and today i am finishing another.
freaky. i read too much for my own good.

arggg.
its good for english but whats coming up is mother tongue.
i will jsut do other things.

my hands are itchy now since i hadn't draw for days.
and i did not notice about it until now.

i am a freak i guess.

edit://
i have noticed that i did not plan anything for my future. i dont know what i want to be in the future. i dont even know what i am going to do after "O"s. i dont even know which course i truely liked.

despite the fact i said "designing" but in my heart , i have millions of doubts. perhaps i wanted the course due to i perform somewhat better than i like it. how foolish i am.

i don know what to do now.
anyone who can wake up my subconscious within me to what i wanted to do?

i doubt.
since i dont know myself.

but on the other hand. i seem to get something.

self reflection

2009-05-17T00:39:00.003+08:00

" i love to study so what happened to me now? why had i lost the love? i want to study now. i want to be showered and embraced by the knowledge i need to know. i want them to be imprinted in my life. i can do it. because i want to , and i love to."

anyway , today was a blast. even though now is 12 but i am still blogging as a saturday. anyone who reads my blog miss me? err none as no one reads it anyway. silly question i have here. anyway so whats so great about today? i finished a book today. (well i finished it in 2 days hah!) and now i am going all chomp-chomp onto another book.

i have always loved reading. but i lost the craziness for it. but now again , i have it. the craziness to keep reading and reading. how i love the feeling being swarmed by fantasies and knowledge. it feels good after reading as i feel so light after it , thinking through all the information i had just gained. i got lucky today too. i found the book i was looking for and now i have it on my table. i am going to go chomp-chomp on it soon. its just a matter of time.

i did self reflection today. and its a very deep one. not those simple ones. and dont ask me how i do it as i done it in a you can say , stupid way. but after it , i felt refreshed , having the urge to pick up my textbooks now and start studying. i felt alive , my urge for learning is back again. i want to learn , i love to learn , i desire to learn more and more. my curiousity to new things is burning inside me.

anyway i should pop to bed soon. err.. after a chapter of my new book. hopefully i wont read till 6 in the morning! that will be real stupid. i am going to work hard. i know it will be a tough road, but i felt mroe confident after my self reflection. i can do it. i know. i believe in the fact the left handers are revolutionary~ (haha , isnt it a bias statement? dont feel offended righties!)

"oh wow , i am interested in supernatural stuffs, they never bore me out. i guess the author of those stories must be a supernatural themself."

Fear , anxiety ,and?

2009-05-15T21:29:00.002+08:00

"as i tremble , i could see the paper which i hold with my right hand was shaking violently. i am losing it , and i need to act fast. but what should i do? oh yes of course , put the pressure , on the table. oh yes thank you table."

thoughts of the freaky debate. long post :)

This is perhaps , the most freakiest day for 2009 ever. well for me i guess. and perhaps the most stressful day so far. came to the school in the morning and i am worried about the debate stuffs already. my group had not done the script yet. all the ideas which is done by me the night before were all on the template. and the points seems weak? oh dear. i thought my team wouldnt go today but something struck me during chemistry. its telling me.

"you will have your debate today~"

freaky. i saw the opposition team who are extremely well prepared add on to my nervousness and fear. i felt even more uncomfortable and my chest feels tight. its as if i will faint any minute. but since i decided to do the script. i willed myself , not to fall , no matter what. i must see it to the end. well basically i rushed the script in all the lessons , getting even more flustered each time as my friends tried to calm me down.

no avail. i guess. felt pretty bad now as i "force" Bai to read her script many times.

i guess i dont wish to lose. but even if we lose , we must lose it with pride and beautifully. thats what i told myself over and over again. i am even prepared to lose that i imagine a scene of my group losing , but beautifully. great , how pessimistic i am? saw Meiling's group VS Teng's group. i had a good laugh , the both groups were terrific and all of us had fun. but deep down inside me i am still trembling. my heart is thumping faster and my chest feels more and more uncomfortable as the time ticks by.

i am afraid. and i kept writing the chinese word for heart on my palm and taking deep breaths. telling myself , "it is alright".

then the fateful time arrives. my heart just stopped right there. i frozed but i accept the fact i need to go anyway. well basically mdm lau introduced the two teams and theres an obvious difference to which team is more popular. bad start i thought. we are on the losing end. well i am the first person to speak when i was about to stand , the people in the front row were cheering for me. which adds it on to my fear and the uneasiness in my heart.

i stood up anyway and picked up my script. i noticed my hand shooked violently. my voice were all hoarse and trembling , i tried to calm myself yet no avail. i am blacking out soon. but the thought of ending this beautifully woke me up and i slam the paper on the table. putting my both hands on the table , exerting all my force on the table , easing me from my nervousness and fear. my voice is back. and i speak once again.

letting all the knowledge i know flow inside me , i looked at the script as i speak and i felt i looked at it too many times. thus during the times for the example , i decided to try my luck and just shoot out anything i know. i missed some points but i managed to hide it till the end. everyone was looking at me as if i am some stranger or i am speaking alien language. that frightened me.

did i sound horrible? did i speak too fast? am i too soft? am i going out of point?

well my turned is done. i signalled to mdm lau yet she seem to be shock that its done? the others dont even know its finished till i sat down and they clapped loudly. at least the clapping ease me. now its the time to write the informations from the enemy , but my hand could not even hold a pencil properly. obviously i was still trembling.

i shall not elaborate on the other parts but just skip to the end. or else it will ge too lengthy.. but in the first place , who reads?

well the last part i am shock to know i got the best for speaking and my team won. there were mixed feelings within it. and now i am still trembling. the enmy team is indeed strong and we had a good fight. it seems like their team seemed to be better to the majority. so sorry that my team won?

oh well. since everything has passed. i shall put things down. too tired to think of anything. i shall go back to reading. reading is the best anyway.

i sound really horrible right?
with all the high hopes pinned on me.
sigh. i am horrible.

"i am interested on why do i speak with what the others say , n english accent and said that i was faking it even though all i did was just speak."

Thoughts

2009-05-14T22:01:00.002+08:00

"the smoke is choking me as i gasp for air. but the thick smoke is filling up my lungs instead of the fresh air i needed to survive. the fires are still crackling happily as they burn down the hut , feeling tired and lack of will , all i did was to lie down on the floor and close my eyes. wishing everything would be over."

sigh. having troubles with the debate things. we dont have enough time for preparation but now we are doing what we can. just finished filling up the template and the script? i doubt it can be fully completed but lets just do our best.

finished my current book and now i shall go to my next book which is Enemies of the Heart. it covers stories from year 1993 (the year i am borned, cool) i bet its a pretty messy but oh well , gives me more content anyway. i love the book Blood Witch and Dark magick due to it talks about magic more than romance. weee. + its pretty twisted. i need the 1st and the next book for it!

there was nothing much. all i know is that my body is breaking down , meaning its reaching it's limit. i guess i will fall soon. well when , i am not sure. sigh. i could no longer stay late , i need to rest early or else i will be missing the next day.

oh well. theres nothing much.
i shall go do my debate stuffs already.
sigh.

"i am pretty much shock about how siginificant is a bean when it was never a significant thing to me in the first place."

random

2009-05-11T16:14:00.007+08:00

"The more i yearn for a happy ending , the further it seems. Cant we be happy altogether? why must there be always a sword , stabbing through our happiness? why cant we join our hearts together to face all problems each of us have? and , why couldnt i open my heart to them? perhaps they have not found me yet."

Lets just say. ignore the top as usual. just a random inspiration from books again.

went to MPH warehouse sale a few days ago. i got a book while my dad gotten 25 books. woah. i got a book called "Enemies of the heart" and i am going to read it soon , after i am done with my current book. well i went to times bookstore to find my book and its out of stock too! sigh.. what bad luck i have. but i picked up two books anyway.

Picture Perfect by Jodi Picoult and PS I love you + if you could see me now by Cecelia Ahern.

wierd books but they are in special prices so i got them. lets see if the books are good or not. did a bit of homework but i did not study. dont ask why. i am seriously in trouble in the matters of personal matters. lawl what sentence is this?

anyway.. got motivated to do a project called "Emotions". that means i will draw drafts of pictures that displays different emotions. well they would never be colored nor drawn properly. i just wanna test out my skills. so ready? here we go~

its in chinese. great i feel that chinese words are best for this kind of feeling. i love chinese words as they are beautiful pieces of art. dont understand? get a translator then. i pretty much like the cold feeling the girl gave off and i draw her one eye on purpose. well if its 2 eyes the whole feeling would be ruined.

ITS A GUY. call it gay or whatever. i am pretty depressed about how this fella is drawn but i have draw 5 times and this is the best i could get. *emos* call it a girl if ya want. i am super depressed now.

anyway enough of jokes. i have notihng more to post.

boring life eh? wwho bothers to read anyway.

"humans are such superficial creatures. i am gonig to wash my hands off the matter. its starting to bug me like an irritating housefly."

and..

2009-05-08T23:56:00.005+08:00

"I try to write down the final verdict yet i cant do so. its obviously injust yet there isnt a trace of evidence to save her. Justice is indeed cruel at times especially to the innocent ones."

get what i mean now? thats me on the bed. but i am feeling better. the one at the back is my sister who is currently rejoicing. =.=

i have nothing much to post today. jsut heard that there will be tons of homework. oh dang. anyway i shall bring you guys another art piece of mine.

i simply love her look + expressions in this one. hmmm i tend to draw better when emoing. so i should emo more?

i tried to draw a guy but it turn out to be a gay. argg... ~~ALL MALES ARE GAYS!~~ (obviously unfair statement)

no offences to guys out there. just really angry that i draw guys as girly guys. I WANT TO DRAW THEM AS BISHIES!

whats a bishie you ask? its a kind of pretty boy yet manly. you often see them in Animes. examples are like Lavi from D gray man , zero or kaname from VK , ikuto from shugo chara and many more. okay sum up : handsome perfect feature boys.

you can never find them in real life :)

sigh. enough of my blabbers. i shall go back to drawing.

should i post more drawings next time?

Plain Tired

2009-05-07T23:40:00.002+08:00

"taking a step forward and i try to reach out to the light but no avail as there would always be something devouring me back , back into the dark reality."

Ignore as usual.
anyway. i am freakily tired + lethargic these days. slept alot like someone who lack of sleep for a few thousand years. err , a little too exagerrated. damn me.

work alot. composition not done. sleep alot , rarely play games , rarely draw any decent art piece , coloring another art piece which is half done (i will show it soon) and many more stuffs. changed slightly my hairstyle too , at least i have changed from like 4 years of same hair style. uber coolio.

read alot of manga these days too. cant live without it , read a little of my novel and noticed i am 1/4 done. too fast but whatever. i like the way they described about magics in the book but obviously the romance is a no-no to me. but at least it added a tint of spice into the story.

or else the story will be uber boring when theres no character development. so sorta a thumbs up. my current book is way better than my previous book Evermore which barely has a climax. i wouldnt even call it a climax. it gives off a twilight feeling , the ending part where the main girl defeats the enemy seems a little stupid?

but at least theres no vampire cliche story in it. no offences to whoever.

sigh Dracula is the uber thumbs up despite the humans in there talked alot.

i better finish my book up fast. i wanna to go back into reading harry potter books. i am just waiting patiently for ling to reutrn it to me.

count it that i am just suay or what?
i wanted 3 novels yet they are NOT IN STOCK. dang dang.
whichever fan bought so much of the books i want?

the House of Night series first book Marked is not in stock.
i had the second but i dont have the first so i can barely read it.

the Magick series (dont rweally know the name) first book is out of stock.
i had the second book and i am barely surviving despite the good story due to i dont know what happen.

the third one , luckily i had not bought the second book yet. but it seems interesting to me as it talks about the high society. + the english inside seems hard + tough so i might try?

whatever. end of my rave and pop to bed~

"I am deeply intriguted by those who can just say something or pop out of nowhere to scare the victim. well i am a victim here."

Wierdness

2009-05-03T21:57:00.002+08:00

"through the horizon , i could only see people screaming. as i step closer to them yet still far away , i could hear them screaming my name. i do not know why yet their voices urged me to run away. but run away from who? all i know is that i kept running forward."

another stupid paragraph. ignore like usual.
yoz. i know you guys dont miss me and hoped i actually blogged lesser but whatever. i am going to do so anyway. perfect way to destress.

i finished the book Dracula today! And now i shall go chomp chomp down my other books :D
bought a new book again due to Marked ran out of stock. dang. the book i bought is also a second book in a series. but whatever , i will try my best to understand it.

tomorrow theres mo xie sigh sigh. i have yet to memorise it.

whatever. like i care. i will do it now.

"I am intrigute by those who could actually swim in water. gosh. i wonder how they withstand the pressures."

Thoughts

2009-04-29T14:19:00.003+08:00

"i hate you for ruining my life. I hate you. You made my life like a roller coaster ride when i just simply wanted to walk , you screw up my everyday smile , i need to put on a perfect mask everything. You screw up the ability and chance for me to show who i am. You screw me up by having me under your foot while you are on top of my head. Hating is a tiring thing yet i decided to make it exceptional to you. I hate you."

a paragraph like usual. ignore it , i dont want any stupid comments of who am i referring to. i aint referring to anyone at the moment , i just got the inspiration to type it out. all from reading again.

oh well so i did not go to school today. so dam sleepy. its like as if i could sleep till the sun is upside down. (wait , a sun is round so it cant be upside down) dang. i wanna know what are my results for the test yet i did not go today. oh well i shall know another time. hopefully i passed the test because i want to keep a clean record for combined humanities.

then teacher called to my house which gave me a shock and quite a scare but i managed to swim through it.

dang i need the first book NAO! NAO! NAO
if you know what am i talking about.

So , so i gotta do my work like my chinese composition instead of slacking off. not just that , i gotta study up my stuff instead of keep saying about it yet not doing anything.

i needa finish my book Dracula too. why am i stopping it when i like the book? perhaps its because of its old style english + chimology.

i shall stop here.
nothing to write anyway.
YIKERS TOMORROW IS F AND N TEST!?

"I am deeply intriguted by people who could play such wonderful melodies to charm people while my pen and paper is considered nothing. Pure envy towards them."

Oddness

2009-04-28T01:46:00.003+08:00

"Feeling the gush of desire within my body as the red fluid flow infront of me. Tempted to taste it for once as its smell engulfs me , the taste of it could be even sweeter than chocolates , even wilder than the wildberry. Yet i dare not take a step forward towards it , despite my deep temptation."

Ignore the top. I just got my inspiration from a certain somewhere and i wrote it down for show.

school is okay.
screwed up my chinese, retaking later (as its AM now)
why aint i sleeping?
dunno.
wanted to sleep yet i got up =.='''

guess i wanted to wait for mummy to come home.
super worried about her these days.
hope she feels well.

screwing up for F and N. well not really , i just cant concentrate. lets just say stuck

dang dang dang.
what should i do.
gotta stop my gaming and start mugging for Os.
i am a pathetic fool already.
bad at everything.

sigh.
i guess i might be hopeless.
yes i am.

how i wish i could read my new book "Betrayed" first. but.. i dont have the first book "Marked".. sigh. wait i mentioned this before.

whats wrong with me?
whats wrong?
arggg. to bed i go NAO.

i am deeply intriguted by people who not know whats shame and their limits to certain things. uber coolio.

randoms

2009-04-26T20:55:00.001+08:00

i am feeling random now.
very random.

tomorrow theres mo xie for chinese.
dang.

i hate it.
now i am so random.

gotten a new novel called "Betrayed" but cant read it yet as its not the first book. I want the first book "Marked" soon so i can start eating them up. *chomps*

gotta study soon.
rest too much this week.
Os is coming and i am slacking.
dang.

school tomorrow.
bored.
whatever.

sigh. nothing much to do.
not even a paragraph?
whats with me?

dunno.
just feeling random.
hoping for tomorrow will be better
i hope.

dang. i shall stop.
seeya.
hope we will not meet again :)
i guess.

Hiccups

2009-04-25T14:33:00.002+08:00

Having slight headache now. Sorry to ling that i ditched her in today's morning study. I still feel very bad currently and its feels pretty sick to wake up in the morning to study. i am slightly grumpy now. Apparently there are people spying (okay no offences since you guys dont leave a note) my bloggie about what i post. come on , would it hurt to leave a tag? oh well , i guess there are people not close to me thus the difficulty. if its me i wouldnt dare to tag an eccentric girl (like me).

and now there are some fan-ta-bu-lous hiccups because of this spying. is it so hard to leave a comment to ask whats wrong? well i guess its hard. i wouldnt dare to do it too. i know its rare to see me getting furious at someone thus posting 1/4 of a post of it but hey hey , the hiccups comes. g-reat. well but its not totally bad. at least there are people who know my name (hey~) and know when am i fuming.

anyway , everything seems to be going along with my plans. i love to solve things by the peaceful way dont you think? unless several/certain circumstances/situations. now lets just see what happen next. i might post again later , you never know. so see ya later? to prevent some hiccups , i will say this paragraph is nonesense.

Fever

2009-04-24T14:12:00.002+08:00

i am ill right now. yesterday , i was all grumpy and scolding mild vulgarities due to my freaky-come-at-the-wrong-time fever. Got home and i collapsed on the floor immediately. i lay there breathing heavily as i am too tired to holding out my fever for the whole day. My head feels heavy and painful , i felt warm all over , my throat is dry , so dry that i might need a barrel of water to satisfy my needs. my mummy is very worried about me and kept asking me how i felt. after awhile i manage to get up and when for a quick shower.

and then , i fell asleep on a sofa. its hard to sleep peacefully due to the headaches and coughings. the feeling was extremely terrible. I slept till seven yet i am not feeling any better. Had dinner and i could barely eat. i decided not to sleep again despite feeling sick all over. so i switched on my computer to do the things i like. i played some games and i felt better. i seriously love this game call Talesrunner. Its a funny racing game and its seriously good to wack off all your stress!

i guess i know why am i ill. these days i did not eat well , i slept late due to studying for test and i had my emotions all jumbled up. I guess it runs in the blood that my family had weak constitution and we cant handle anger. If we get angry , the next thing that comes is sickness. oh well , i am angry , irritated and furious at a certain someone. it (yes i used IT) is getting on my nerves. how i wish i could just have a nice talk with it (it again) and draw a clear line between it and i. (noticed i did not use US)

yes i am that irritated. rarely see me getting all irritated right? so who is this it? lemme tell ya.

- coward as a cockroach
- loves to steal things like a monkey
- stabs like an assasin
- irritating like a fly
- sticky like a glue

oh well what else? sigh. i should have made a decision a long time ago. and now i am regretting. sigh. i must not get angry. my headache is coming back. i will keep my cool. i will just hold on to everything i have. which means i would not blast off soon. i will still be the goody goody nice guy.

but please note. i have many reasons to hate/despise/60-40 It.
if i tell you guys , you guys would support me. i am confident of it.

after all.
in the previous chess game , i laid my King out.

so when shall the queen come?
haha. nevermind if you dont understand.

Dang

2009-04-22T20:14:00.003+08:00

today was almost perfect. dreaming about Mac and Cheese , drawing new styles of roses (though i failed terribly) but something wreck it all when its combined humanities triple S. for dunno what ever goodness reason , i was asked to read the background information for the source base. (obviously tio sabo la)

*sigh* i dont mind it that much just that my throat isnt good (due to eating too much sweet things) thus i sounded so off when i speak. my pronounciation is like epic fail. my flow of words isnt there. my emphasis and my tone is missing. when i heard the way i speak , i freaked out. but anyway what passed is passed. obviously i am still pissed off with having to read with a distorted voice. next time when theres reading , i will do my best to reject. *roars*

sigh sigh sigh.
i am still unhappy with the way i read.
+ dracula is not finishing up. sigh sigh.
i am failing in both my speech and my speed of reading.

bringing 2 heavy books to school tomorrow. can you guess what it is?

i am also unhappy about a certain something else.
and its goddam irritating. i mgiht blast off soon. i am really at my limits.

Dumb dee Dumb

2009-04-20T22:11:00.003+08:00

So hello humans. how are you doing? anyway today theres chinese test and i did fairly for it mainly because i could only remember the top part and not the bottom. but at least i need not stay back for extra lessons~

theres NAPFA (its a physical education exam) today and yeah i did fairly for it. I manage to pass my sit up , inclined pull up and standing board jump. phew , i thoguht i will fail them this year. Also i did fairly for my sit and reach and excellently for my shuttle run. (oh i oh so love shuttle runs please~) i am pretty upset with some people cheating etc etc. tch , where in the world is their integrity? it make them seem so low.

today i have gotten the class journal. oh well , as usual i draw in it etc. wrote some stupid stuffs. like anyone is bothered to read anyway. (even though some did already) oh well my life is like so..

tomorrow theres SS test. globalisation. no heart to study
i am very very tired from the late night sleeping from last night and the NAPFA.
i am very tired.

very.

Miss me?

2009-04-18T16:19:00.003+08:00

Oh well i bet not. anyway today is speech day and i went to school as an audience. i am not used to it as i am always in the contingent before. now feeling free actually bothers me. i felt worried for the younger guides naturally especially when people started to faint. do hope all of you recover well.

i manage to survive through this year's speechday. perhaps its because its my last year in north view thus i wanted to remember my last speech day. The concerts were find , many performing arts group improved! i felt that concert band and malay dance had a very huge difference from last year (especially concert band) and i love the performance. i could see that the whole time , melody is the most busy one as she is moving around.

the let down was choir sadly as i am shocked by the way they present their music. sad to say this (not trying to pull people down) but the voices and melody was like messed up. the pitches and stuiff dont fit. but i do they would improve soon..

saw nadrah's performance today. presenting "River flows in you" which was fabulous even though the first part she got extremely nervous but its was a thumbs up overall. and ling asked me a stupid question + with english error. "why when she play the piano will vibrate de?" vibrate!? come on , thats flowing along with the music!!!! =.=

sigh how i wish i won an award but if i did , the stars will fall as i slacked through last year. i dont expect much now. just work hard for prelim 2! PTI was fine. (thursday) as it was a rather a smooth process. i was doing most of the talking first then my mum. overall everything is great just that teacher pointed out my SEVERE problem in maths. *freaks out*

and i am no more 800!! 700 is back! haha. random.

i guess i should stop or else i will start typing my life story. so lemme list down the stuffs i neeedda doo~

- SS test (Globalisation)
- Chinese test (memorise essay)
- CG (lineart)
- Flip through F and N , chem and physic textbook
- prepare to do maths next week
- finish up chinese homework

sigh sigh sigh. so much. *slacks*

PS:
anyone care to motivate me to draw? free of charge service. just request to me on what theme (okay what you want on the picture) and i will draw + color. but you print it yourself. note that i am bad at drawing guys as they look gay.

feel free to note me or tell me.
i need people's request to motivate me.
*i doubt anyone would ask..*

And then...

2009-04-15T20:53:00.002+08:00

heelloo humans , okay i am trying my best to keep my post short and sweet. hopefully those people who came here to read would not have a massive headache like before. so lets start~

- new skin once again . featuring my favourite colors : black , gray , white
- i like the way i colored zero at the side (you see the icon beside this post?)
- i am still stuck with the book Dracula DDD:
- passed my colorpencils already~
- massive brain jam today O___O
- getting shot at tomorrow (PTI O_o)
- drawing i so effing addicting today
- have not study F and N yet T_T
- ling is late today (unbelievable but true)
- my nightmare came true (oral practice , darn it)
- bloghopping

so thats it. short enough anot? lawls. its just like pointers for my whole day summary. what the heck am i doing anyway now? blog hopping. trying to be a nosey parker to check out everyone's lives. nah kidding. i am jsut interested in how everybody lived everyday. i had a boring life and i found out that many of you guys (whoever reading now) is so goddam interesting. darn , i am missing out so much.

no tags these days but whatever. i am used to it. just that its pretty depressing.

wait i shall stop. i promsie to keep it short. hmm unless you guys liked me to type more since i very much love it. (i wanna type more!!! mummy!) < my hands screaming.
oh well i shall stop , seriously , this time i will stop.

DANG I TYPED 2 EXTRA PARAGRAPH!?
=.=''' i failed.

Great

2009-04-14T23:27:00.003+08:00

- finished Evermore (kudos to me)
- Dracula is more than half. i shall finish it soon~
- packed my stuffs for tomorrow already
- sort of run 2.4km today. (i think i passed)
- did Emaths today (not much but oh well :D)
- got tortured for amaths today (but i am motivated)
- listened to chemistry today (great)
- listened to Social Studies today (wee like always)
- got into drawing mood again
- motivated to work on F and N theory

great. everything seems well (or so it seems)
in a better mood now and i decided to shut my mouth up. i will only open it on thursday :D

i better finish my book dracula. its taking E-T-E-R-N-I-T-Y.
great. i gotta do it. CHIONG AH.

Mask (caution?)

2009-04-14T19:26:00.003+08:00

How long have i wore this mask? ages? it seems like aeons to me. I guess soon it will be a time where i need to take off my mask. Arent i a fabulous actress? no no , let me correct this. Arent i a fabulous liar? to actually deceive everyone with what i am now. i guess everything about me is a lie. when was it a time where i really show the truth?

hardly.

seriously , i am upset now. partially (about 1.5 quarter) i am affected by my results and fear the upcoming doom. The other is about something else. Something that was once significant to me and now it became important.

i remember telling myself not to ----- anymore but yet i did. i hate to admit but i was actually truly happy at times. how could this happen? i dont know. i thought i have sealed that part of me carefully away? so whats going on? what is going on? perhaps the ice is melting already. but do not fear , i will make it rise again.

i will , i believe it. i take things for granted even though i had very well learnt my lesson. Am i born to be selfish? why am i so selfish? why couldn't i spare a thought for her , so that she would not feel lonely when i am having fun? why is it that i dont have a common topic with her? why is it that my pressence became so insignificant that even if i am infront of her , she would not approach me to ask am i alright or what am i doing?

i asked too much from her. indirectly.

she did not tell me how she felt straight on , this show she still value our connection to a certain extent. yet i could feel it. Her emotions , thinkings , expressions were ringing hard at me everytime. i know how she felt all along but i chose to be oblivious? because i just wanted to bask in happiness , tsk tsk , i am selfish right?

i could see the way she reacts to things. its far to clear to me. until a point she indirectly gave up on me. and now when i am given up then i take action? how ridiculous!

i am so tempted to tell her that i knew it all along. but yet i could not. i dont want to spoil anything now. couldnt things be fixed up in another way? wait , i deserve to be punish. since i am not truthful from the start. a little liar.

what should i do now? how i wish i was lived being oblivious to things. i wish i dont have keener senses than others. i wish that i am normal. well i am normal now , to a certain extent. its not always great to know the truth. because , you would know both love and hatred more.

how i wish , that thing never happen a few years ago.
that causes me to change.

into such a depressing person.

isnt this a depressing blog? where most of the time when you came to read , it will always be thoughts about my stupid , boring and depressing life.

Life (edited)

2009-04-12T15:57:00.003+08:00

Oh well , i am day dreaming again. not studying.. sigh what a dissappointment. oh well , but at least i read some books today (and yesterday) and i did my research for my F and N and started compiling up the recipes. which is a good thing that i did so that i wont get killed on monday.

yesterday , went to eat outside and after got a book. it aint harry potter nor the vintage collection. it its a totally new book call "Evermore". It has the same genre as Twilgiht which is romance , fantasy , teenage .etc etc. well i say it has a effing pretty cover that i had to grab it. so where did i get it? its at Times bookstore in Marina Square. If you love to read and you want to look for more exotic/chimmer/hard to find books then go there! i found the whole collection of vintage stories and i wanted to get "Pride and Prejudice" but "Evermore" won me over.

oh well , harry potter books and vintage collection shall come later.
the book "Dracula" is finally reaching the soon to be climax! the story is finally interesting and i cant wait to know what happens next. after "Dracula" , its "Evermore" and after devouring these two books then its "The History Of Love" which i borrowed from the library. i force ling to help me find it ahah since the story seemed interesting.

now i am listening to classical music. It really sets the tone right as i draw. as usual i am always drawing anime art. hopefully i would have the heart to study my Emaths chapter 6 later. oh well , i will make today's post shorter.
i might edit this post though.
might.

why do people draw when they dont have the heart to?

Edit ://
Oh well. its night now and i am carrying on this post. i wondered why people draw when they dont have the heart to? its a mystery to me. i have seen cases of people treating a pencil as nothing yet they draw so well? yet they say "practicing is uselss , just draw and get on with it."

what in the world? what about those who respected art? it seemed unfair to them. Oh well , this is the world. we have no control over it. well.. i am indirectly upset by this but i shall get on with it.

oh well , bah. i am leaving.
i am addicted to the song "Crescendo" from La Corda D'oro. especially the classical piece. it seems to rock over Ave Maria :DDD

Thoughts

2009-04-11T11:26:00.003+08:00

Its a lovely saturday and obviously i spent my time in my own way. drawing and dazing away. its morning now , how i wish i could just step out of the house and breathe in the cooling fresh air. how great would it be! i look down on the paprs on my table and i am itching to come up with a new design. sigh , i was suppose to be studying in school now yet due to fatigue , i did not wake up on time.

the fatigue was so great that perhaps sleeping for aeons , it would dissappear. so i went surfing the net then i noticed something. 16 years old , this curse age , why curse? its because i wanted so many things at this age. and these things had to be bought with money. my family isnt very well off so i need to save every now and then. thus its the reason why i dont have branded goods or many clothes and shoes.

but i am not interested in clothes , bags , or shoes anyway.
i am more interested in art programs (photoshop , SAI , open canvas , art rage etc.etc) , tablets , markers , color pencils , paint , good quality notebook/sketchbook/paper , books , books and more books. well thats basically me afterall! if i am going to change one day , it will be pretty shocking.

hmm. so i am currently so into these stuffs that i wanted them badly. i felt guilty on having such thoguhts and dare not tell my parents to spare me $10 to get stationaries or a comic book. sigh. i should put away these thoughts and be satisfied with whatever i have. humans can never be satisfied forever but even if its temporary , i will feel better. sigh. i wish to pass my subjects and do better in art and life.

i wish to move on in my life and not stuck there. i wish to move on with life on the outside at least since i cant move on the inside. i am stuck in a dimension of lost time. time would not move on and i am missing out on many things which i yearn to have yet i could not reach it. sigh. you guys wouldnt get what i meant. its too hard for those who live in bliss to understand. if you think you are not happy with your family , then think again. you are actually living in bliss compared to others.

lets move on with the happy things shall we? i watch a video on the aurora borealis and its simply beautiful. its been my dream from young to watch it with my own eyes but it seems like i threw these dream away due to being afraid of unable to fufil the dream. but i remembered this dream again when i read the passage (in english) of it and how i love the passage! it just simply describe what i wanted to say. and i know more about them now. hah , i felt satisfied.

now i shall stop. its only the morning and i had so much to talk? oh well thats me afterall. hail the lengthy post! later , would be going to the library for F and N research.
after that i am so gonna devour up my books. gotta finish reading Dracula , then restart on Twilight series (exclude breaking dawn) and read harry potter books.

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
books , books and more books!!!

MY 5 PERCENT

2009-04-10T17:50:00.002+08:00

ARGGGGHHH GOD DAMMIT! MY RESULT SLIP HAD AN ERROR! AND THAT MAKES MY OVERALL POSITION STUPID!

i am gonna complain and get the correct overall percentage + ranking. rawr. there was a typo error and i had an extra subject which is malay. and i got F9 for it. teacher said that its just a typo error but to my horror , my results were pulled down. at night my family is upswet with my atrocious overall and after my parents signed the slip then i notice something was very wrong.

i have 7 subjects so why is my total appoint 800?
then i started counting and dang. my marks were inserted in as 303.5/800 which is 37.9%!
my rightful marks should be 303.5/700 which is 43.5%!
look at the difference! i noticed my percentage should be near 50% since i scored 300++ so why did i get 37.9%!? dam dam dam! i was placed position 89/116 OUT FOR NOTHING! i was placed 29/38 FOR NOTHING!

RAWR. i am really pissed off now. on monday , i am gonna demand for my result slip to be changed + my ranknig to be changed. this makes me goddam angry. imagine the overall is going to be pinned up in the canteen and it shows my wrong results!? so i should tell myself...

no more 89/116 and no more 29/38
all these are just a mistake.

dang. i should have notice all these earlier. i scolded myself for nothing. infact , i improved form last year by passing 5 out of 7 subjects.

oh well , today is dad's birthday. but its like nothing. sigh. i thought i could have a nice family meal. sigh.

must.get.my.5.percent.and.the.correct.ranking.

My heart broke

2009-04-09T19:54:00.002+08:00

how long has it been since i feel this way? years perhaps. i kept quiet and positive about everything. even though i felt the pain many times but i hold it back. i told myself "why cry over spilled milk?" "why regret?" "just pass on". i thought that i am strong enough to feel oblivious to the pain but i was wrong. i was very very wrong. after all i am a human. i think too highly of myself. despicable.

the strong ones are those who cried. they cried for their wrong doings and learn not to make the same mistake again. they know how to face up to the reality thus they are strong.
those who try not to shed a tear are weaker ones. they hold back and comfort themselves. they may seem strong on the outside but they are nothing but cowards. who fear to face up to reality.

no offences mind you. but this is the ugly truth. we have to face up to this fact one day. but even if we face up to it , it does not mean we will change to it.

well , today is the day when the results were announced. obviously from what i see , not everyone is happy. In fact , majority are unhappy and started wondering how they scored badly. only 30 humans out of the whole level passed overall. the rest just failed it. how great was that? no let me correct it , how depressing is that?

there are humans who cant be bothered with it. and there are ones who felt neutral and the last category is for those who were really depressed. so which category are you from? well so how well do i score? not very well. despite passing 5 subjects but i was ranked at the back. reason? its pretty obvious. MATH.

dont wonder why a math could pull me down so greatly. my marks for math is atrocious. and my other subject were all just borderline passes. obviously i will fail with flying colours. if you happen to dsilike me in some way or another , its your time to be happy as a lark. because , its rare to see me score this badly. class position is ridiculous too. now laugh humans. (if you want to)

so what happened to me after this? obviously i reacted to what happened. but dont worry , i did not over react. i jsut reacted as normal , feeling displease and disappointment. i wonder how am i going to finish my art piece when i am feeling so down and mixed up? i will try though.

now congrats to those who pass though. hope everyone would carry on working hard.
and i here needs a break.
another effing long post. complains anyone? eg. compositions , chimology..
hey they start with "C"s!

or praise? (highly unlikely)

Phew

2009-04-08T20:00:00.002+08:00

I am pretty lucky. Yep , very very lucky. I passed my combined humanities! Not with flying colors but i thoguht i was doomed for sure when i can barely do the essays. But the source base saved me. i love the source base as i felt that i scored pretty well for it. all L3 and L4~

it seems like from the twilight fandom goes to harry potter fandom.
woah. like woah. a few started to read harry potter all of a sudden that makes me want to read it. *looks at the book hungrily* i remembered reading it before when i was very young but i dropped it due to its too hard to understand. but now i think i shall jump back. *hahaha* i might consider buying the other books since its cheap now. *unlike twilight which is soo pricey* *shot*

i will read it. after ling finish the first book. (which is gonna take gazillion years) *shot*
hmmm... what else? i am working on a art peice now to practice the level of my details and shading :DDDDD you guys if you see me holding a art paper tomorrow , thats it. pek if you like. i doubt you would want to.

Books Books and more Booooss

2009-04-06T19:39:00.002+08:00

I am so in love in my current skin. lawls. did it when i am feeling down? i tend to do things better when i have inspiration or when i am feeling down. since i love this kind of brown , it makes me love the layout more haha. i tend to like thyose depressing colors. that makes me a very depressing person?

so its basically books , books and more booooos! Dammit.
tomorrow theres PE and obviously i am here feeling unwell , feeling dizzy and sneezing like mad. But i will crawl to school even if i need to. I NEED TO KNOW MY CH MARKS! its the last last subject and oh holy macaroni , i am dying to know it. PUUUHHH-LEASE! who wouldnt want to know? *dies*

i passed my F and N , which is good news its a miracle too. i thought i would fail since i sorta screw up for the paper but it seems like the theory paper's 12mark essay saved me + my coursework. speaking of it i am worried about it. i am still so oh so stuck. dead dead. so dead.

i am loving books as usual and gotten back to the habit of grabbing a book and curl up in a cornr to read. i lvoe reading since i was young but i stopped for a while. now i am back! today i stole *wink wink* a book to read and gotten hooked on it. read about 100++ pages sadly did not finish it. i am gonna borrow it!

next book is the book "Dracula". its a very good book (for evil lovers like me) and i am so in lvoe with the book's cover. so artistic. *blooooodddd~* after this i am either going back to the twilight series OR grab a new book! neverending reading = improvement of english!

another good news is the magazine we ordered has arrived! i am in love with the magazine now. its uber awesome. i am going to read it later :DDD

dang. i better stop. before the post gets tooo long. (and too compo like) off to do my chinese + MORE READING :DDDD

Scream it out

2009-04-05T18:17:00.002+08:00

i am screaming it out. However my voice is being covered by the wind. I am upset by what is going on. But the wind dont understand. They were so straight forward that stab my heart again and again , i tried to hold back on my emotions again and again but this time i could not. The real side of me engulfed me and i slowly show my real emotions.

i could not hold back anymore. its totally unfair to me.
yet , if i let my true self engulf me , everything would end.
am i too alert on what is going to happen next?

how i wish i was a blunt edge.
thus , i would not strike through the truth.

oh well. i looked through my subjects and i have failed 2 so far. i did not pass the others in glory. in fact i was being pushed away due to i passed a certain subject. what wrong have i done? i wondered. i failed the other subjects so badly but i have never gave a face of displease or jealousy before! yet when i somewhat score better for a subject , everyone would come stabbing through me!

have you really really compare who is more worse? who is suffering more? who is in the higher state of failing Os? ME. have your really thought of how i felt when i gotte 3 marks for my amaths? and you are there scolding yourself why have you failed? then during the time when i am asking myself how could i have pass my english , you shot right through me!

you are contradicting yourself? hell yes for me. i know you are not please but neither am i. i suffered 3 years of being step on by a certain someone , coming to school in fear on many occasions and wearing a happy mask everytime. you humans , who passed their science and score better than me have no right to shoot me. you guys despite failing your maths but at the 30++ range have no right to shoot me. you guys who scored your electives well , have no right to shoot me.

you humans have no right.
no right at all! yet i have to accept this and later talk nicely to you guys again? too hard. tch , too hard!

i am screaming in pain. yet the wind engulf my voice. i felt sorry to you guys just because i flaunted my marks indirectly. yea i was in the wrong. yea i was in the wrong.
but you guys are wrong too. havent you learnt before 1 thing? if you score badly or did something wrong , NEVER EVER TAKE IT OUT AT YOUR FRIENDS. NEVER. BLAME IT ON YOURSELF. BLAME IT ON YOURSELF! its injust to blame it on your friend. once is fine. twice is fine , but what about thrice and more?

they did nothing wrong!
and dont ever blame it on the fact that you are straightforward! this just show you treat your friend lightly! they are just like paper you can tear off anytime and paste it back!

these things are ugly. i never wanted to post it. but i have no where to scream to. i did it at home and i nearly got into a fight with my mother. i felt sorry towards her yet those words cant appear from my mouth. i cant say it out. because the word "sorry" is so fake.

its too fake. it is taken lightly by everyone.

my parents are too great. when i scored 3 marks from my maths. i came back home and i still have the cheek to say "hey mum , i scored 3 marks! yay!". well its not on purpose. but i do say it everytime when i fail my maths. i am upset and sreaming inside yet i could not pour my worries and sadness onto them. i would make them worried. they are very tired already thus i dont want to let them have me as a burden.

i know they are upset. even though my mother was hiding it , but i could sense the feeling of sadness and dissappointment. i could never really give her a beautiful surprise that i passed my maths. never. she chose to trust me and told me not to feel down and dont give up even if its the last minute.

this comforted me.

i am going to work hard now. i know i have plenty to do. i have screamed my heart out , not totally but i am feeling better. i am not pointing this ugly thing to any certain someone. just that i need a wake up call.

lets see , calm down and look things in a positive side.
i am going to do...

- learn how to use water , poster , acrylic colors!
- grasp more on colorpencils :DDD
- practice more on graphic designing
- repractice my HTML , CSS
- improve in my anatomy and finger drawing
- hope to learn how to use ecoline~
- hope to have a chance to learn how to use copic markers
- make my own stuffs to sell

theres so many! BUT ITS AFTER Os. T___T

so for now i am going to...
- practice my language subjects by reading more.
- pracitce my maths more
- seek help for amaths
- try to flip through on science everyday
- learn to have fun while memorising F and N
- remember CH as if its my history!

haha its so much fun coming ahead!
i wish everyone luck in your future!

sorry for screaming out earlier. no offences.

Gah.

2009-04-03T00:32:00.000+08:00

horseshoe and english papers tomorrow.
oh dear. i do hope i would pass my english.

promotion? pretty lazy for it but oh well.. its the last time wearing the full u anyway.
wish all those who will get promoted all the best!

and i wish myself all the best for my paper.
nothing much.

short post. yea.

Thoughts

2009-03-31T21:35:00.002+08:00

missed school today due to waking up late. when i woke up at 7++ i am sneezing like mad so i just fall back to sleep. finally i am okay now... abit of perspiring works.

i passed my chinese paper 1 and chemistry paper. i passed the both papers which is like sooo lucky. so far i have failed emaths , amaths and physics. dang , i wish i could pass my CH and english. i am pinning my hopes on it now.

kinda like my new blog skin as it has more colors now instead of the grey one (i love greys but too much is boring)

feel like changing my skin again.
sometime later.
tsubasa? own art? sola? vampire knight?

Prelims are over

2009-03-28T17:12:00.002+08:00

Prelims are over. I dare say this is my worse prelim ever. I broke down like nobody's business and i flung two papers. emaths and amaths. Emaths is considered okay as i can do all the simultaneous and indices question :D tthere are other easy questions like trial and error ones. I screwed up on the standard forms one because i am weak at them. oh well i could at least get 10 marks.

as for amaths. i am doom. at most i could get 3 marks. the paper is effing tough to me. i am weak at amaths thus thats why. no the real reason was because i did not work hard last year. this is what i call : retribution.

Science papers are okay , F and N i screw up on the vitamins question and the second essay. CH i screwed up the fact i could not do the second essay as i was wondering , DID LON DID ANY RIGHT THING!? for the language papers , they were fine as i worked hard for them.

all these papers are giveaways. i swear. (exclude amaths)

also i am somewhat gonig to snap anytime soon. perhaps one day you will see me being all high and mighty , stuck up and arrogant against a certain someone. but i hope that day dont come. unless the someone provoke me and i will deal with him/her with the necessary arrangements. sigh. humans are wierd and foolish creatures. well , to say it badly , i am waiting for that day to come with anticipation.

i am going to massive drawing right now. hahaha. CGing an coloring.
did i say i need more color pencils? no right?

i said it just now. =.=

Break

2009-03-26T23:40:00.001+08:00

i broke down into atoms and molecules.
thats it.

i am tired.
i dont have the heart to study amaths.
what should i do?

flung it like usual.
like last year.

lost

2009-03-25T22:11:00.001+08:00

i need help now.

flunging emaths tomorrow by not studying.

Thoughts

2009-03-24T17:46:00.002+08:00

chinese paper was so-so. i sort of screw up my chemistry so i wish i could do well for my languages. english is okay , i use more effort for my writing so oh well. chinese is pretty unlucky , as paper 1 , the unexpected happened. oh great my dictionary ran out of battery. that shockness and fright shake me so much that i screw up in my letter writing.

but i manage to jump back on the stage for my composition. sigh , hopefully i can pass my chinese. i did the papers calmly and did not fall asleep. lets cross our fingers and pray hard!

tomorrow is physics and combined humanities. darn i am so nervous + i had not sutdy yet. mix feelings tomorrow as physics i bet its gonna be a tough paper and CH is going to be tricky.

the only thing i can do now is remember the points well.
oh well.
after tomorrow , it will only be left with maths (both) and food and nutrition.
exam days passes fast. yet the day to O's passes slowly.

Oh great

2009-03-23T20:14:00.002+08:00

miss me anyone? i bet no.

Terrific , romantic. Dont you feel the romance in the air during the exam times? The romance of seeing death as people fear that it will give the bad judgement. you could just feel the chill down your spine , its simply terrific.

chemistry is so-so. i screw up for some pages but i did not do very badly. at least what i studied came out which makes me happy. but the page on chemical analysis freaked me out. at least 14 marks is gonna go bye-bye like that. tsk tsk. english's paper 1 is great. i took more effort than usual to write the recommendation. giving in own points and examples and felt that i did not do well. i wasted alot of paper and my left hand is sore now.. i wrote too much. sigh. worse is that i did not count the number of words i wrote. terrific , its such a beautiful candlelight dinner with the grim reaper.

tsk tsk. i seriously loved the passage for the english paper. i did not sleep for it + its so interesting. its about history and that makes me glad. but it dont give me an advantage though! at least i understand what the heck the passage is saying. i do hope i can pass english with flying colors.

tomorrow is mother tongue. sigh. i am going to study physics , F and N, and chinese now. byes.
(a little of emaths? :DDD)

Salvation

2009-03-21T18:31:00.003+08:00

someone is out there who is in pain and could not study
and yet i am here slacking for the whole day?

there was NO reason for me not to study
instead i should work hard for this person
i should be happy with what i have now
i am asking for too much
dont all of you agree?

i have no right to cry for salvation.
i still have my full health to use.

so.
instead of just wasting time here , thinking of how to flung my exams , i should stand up! god wouldnt help us anymore! so we must help ourselves!

i dont really have the belief in god so dont ask me why i dragged him in. but i know one thing , god is wiping out us. and if we dont make use of the time we have. we will end up regretting.

i am going to study now.
i am going to study well , to help my friend who dont have the chance to. i help useless but this is the only way i can make things happen.

I want..

2009-03-20T22:10:00.002+08:00

i want... to keep studying instead of just breaking off. but first first lemme blog first before i go back to study. compositions? chimologies? (err profound) boring? whats next i wonder? oh well i dont take pictures + i have no pictures to post in my boring life.
here are the recent items i wanted. not handphones like the other blog which are talking about it but some boring stuffs. (to me , they are god)

- Colleen Color pencils (remember the brown two colors on 1 pencil brand? the good old times)
- Staedtler color pencils (student pack haha as they are more cheaper)
- Lyra color pencils (its impossible for me to get but i will just dream here)
- white gel pen :DDDDD (for highlights and stuffs)
- celestial zone 21 vol34 (argg i missed this one)
- whatever mangas i buy which arrived
-more cartridges of ink! (impossible , its here for show)

hmm thats about it. you guys would be like WTH right? due to what i want are color pencils? yea i am beginning to love color pencils once again and wanted to practice with them as i have some at home but i have limited colors D: anyone who has colorpencils but dont want them , can ya give me? i dont mind its old. its pretty good to save money at times too. since ya not using them dont waste it :D dam i sounded like a beggar. forget it.

i was wondering if anyone would hire me for commissions? like seeling little art like digital or traditional art for a very cheap price like a dollar or 50cents? i bet no one wants it even if its a low price.

whatever.
i am talking crap + thinking highly of myself today.

Pitter Patter

2009-03-19T21:35:00.002+08:00

No there was no rain today. its pretty sunny for the whole day and its great. the good thing that it is not too cold and i need not shut the windows and coop myself inside a room with no natural wind. since its sunny , i did walk around to look at the sunset and enjoy the cool breeze. its a break from studying.

i did not really study much today. how pathetic i am. i am so bad in studies already yet i am not doing much about it? i dont have the motivation nor support for it. Just like cging and art , i dont have the motivation or support despite loving it. so how would i be able to cope with something i dislike? tsk tsk , what troublesome matter.

At the so call corridor , i started dancing for no reason. dont worry i admit the fact i dance badly. But i do have a dream of learning ballet or the waltz. its like so beautiful! slowly i take each steps , trying to mimick how the rain falls on the floor , those gentle yet strong pressure of each step. then i started to turn , remembering the times i used to dance when i was young. even though it was not official yet i mimick how those dancers dance in the TV screen. then i stretch my body , preparing to leap like how a ballet dancer does. obviously i aint as great as them but it was all to enjoy myself.

after that i went to get myself a cup of coffee and take a break. after that was back to studying F and N and History. i did 5 chapters of quick flip of chemistry and now i am here typing. i was wondering , if i learnt ballet , wouldnt it be awesome? just like how i dream of learning the violin. those are elegant form of Arts. but sadly i dont have the chance thus i learn drawing instead. Its a form of Art too.

next time if you see me day dream or started standing up for no reason , perhaps i am thinking of these things. you may call me a crazy fella because i am. afterall , i am a southpaw~

(whats a southpaw? its a term for lefthander)

Thick Files and The Legendary Retard

2009-03-18T23:01:00.003+08:00

Oh yes , lovely title isnt it? Lemme tell you the story of the "Thick Files and The Legendary Retard".

Long long time ago (as in 4 - 5 hours ago) there is a super lazy and messy person in the name of T. T did not work hard in her exams last year and all her important notes for the upcoming exams were scattered around. Finally she wised up and decided to study hard for the upcoming exam. So she thought of gathering all the notes she needs and also pack up her skinny malnutritioned files. She walks up the magical stair as it teleports her to her room.

And she thought.. : "where should i start?"

She grabbed up the yellow file nearest to her and started packing. There were many trashs to throw and many important notes inside it. After 30 mins , she finished and put the trash aside. As she flung her notes everywhere , she have to pick them up and sort them according to the subjects. She is really dumb. The she approach a few more notebooks which have tremendous amounts of notes stucked to it. After another 30 mins , she finished with the trash aside again. but once again , she flung her important notes around , she have to resort them out. How dumb isnt she?

then she thought "seems like i am done , i shall throw the trash and pack my files~"

She did and threw all the trash away. Or so it seems. As she went up the stairs again , to her horror , there were to more files for her to sort out the trash and important notes. She is tired but she does it anyway as she did not want to procrastinate any longer. Another hour passed and finally theres little trash this time. She looked around and she have to sort out the notes according to the subjects as she flung them everywhere again. Could she ever learn how to be neat?

She packed the notes into the respective files and threw the trash. The files were extremely thicked and she thought if anyone tells her that they dont have much notes from last year , she will trottle them. She walked into her study room and happily put the files on the floor. Then she noticed , there are 2 more files not packed! tired but she still did it anyway , this time she wise up alittle and sort the notes out instead of throwing it everywhere. Thinking that she is done , she wants to stack the files needly and she picked up one file , only to notice all the notes dropped out!

apparently , she did not punch the holes for them. so she did for every single subject and file them neatly. Finally after a long time , a break would be nice , only to notice as she turn around , there was a huge stack of amaths with emaths notes jumbled up together , ready for her sort it out , punch the holes and pack. geez , slow isnt she.

feeling depressed and tired she shouted out : "I AM THE LEGENDARY RETARD!"

The End.

that sums up how dumb i am today. and i did not study much. great.

Dead or Alive

2009-03-17T22:33:00.003+08:00

Its not the game mind you. Its me , i am standing in between of being dead or alive. Not completely well yet but i forced myself to do my emaths today. I am slow and i only managed to complete 1 chapter of emaths today. Which is pretty pathetic. Today , i did the whole chapter on Matrix , (i did 80% of the exercises. the 20% is for the questions i dont know how to do) i am seriosuly tired and stressed out in a way. i have no motivation to do maths but i have to? so in the end i slacked for the wohle day. bad me.

I have many more to go and i am worried. pretty worried for mei ling too as she is ill but at least she is better than me in studies. unlike the stupid me who needs to go RIGHT DOWN to the basics. oh great. but i am treating all these studying as if i am preparing for prelim 2. i dont expect to score well for prelim 1 thus i am putting my hopes on prelim 2 instead. wish me luck?

i rarely draw these days and that makes me sad. i will draw more soon. meanwhile i am rushing on with my CGs. they are important to me! soon i will change my blog layout too into a some other anime layout. make a guess? well you cant as its pretty hard to guess.

tomorrow i need to go to school for history/social studies lesson. (for 2 hours to be exact) oh well i shall go and read my notes to make sure if i have any question to ask teacher tomorrow.

ja ne~

Sick

2009-03-16T14:46:00.005+08:00

I am awfully sick/ill now. I want to finish till emaths chapter 5 today! (matrices stuffs) yet i could barely concentrate. sigh. i will edit this post later.

----------------- edit -------------------------------------

okay i am back. sigh. i am still ill now but at least i felt better after a nap and a nice dinner. But i am pretty upset now. I did not finish chapter 4 or 5. and for chapter 1 and 3 i sitll cant solve the fraction questions! Plus , i still have many more subjects to go! wait lemme list it down.. i need to make it clear for myself.

English : 0/4
(2 notes , 1 segment on volcab , 1 segment on writing format)

Chinese : 0/3
(1 segment for words , 1 segment for homework , 1 segment for
format)

Emaths : 4/15 chapters
(not really 4 but i shall comfort myself on this one)

Amaths : 1/12 chapters
(its 0.5 to be exact..)

History : 0/3
(war in pacific + war in europe not done... + format for essay...)

Social Studies : 0/3
(Iraq + kuwait and transnational terrorism + source base format)

Physics : 2/18 chapters
(i am getting revived on this. hope to do well :D with the latest chapters
backing me up)

Chemistry : 0/17 chapters
(i have no heart to do this subject. gonna flunk?)

F and N : 1/13 chapters
(i am gonna read it like a story book since i pretty like this
subject)

-------------------------------- sigh -------------------------------

so much to do. so little time. but i will do whatever i can. lets just treat it as if i am preparing for prelim 2 then. i am determined to do well for my maths and sciences by constant practice. i know i need to climb higher with the standards so the prelim 1 will be a paper for me to see the real terror and also whether am i there at the standard yet.

oh well.. i shall stop but go back to studying my chapter 5 of emaths~

Loneliness

2009-03-15T13:45:00.002+08:00

As i was reading and thinking , i saw this theme appear in my head. Suddenly i stiffened up as if i fear this. Everyone would feel lonely at one point of their life but for me its not now. I have my friends and everyone so why do i fear this word. Why am i so wary about it? As if its some sort of darkness that will devour me up.

I dont know why at first. Thus i printed out my artwork (finally my printer have the ink to do so) The artwork came out lovely just that the red is not strong enough but nevermind. As i looked at my artwork , i felt excited to show it to my friends , showing them finally i made my first print. I cant wait to see how they react , but after they react , whats next? whats really next? they arent really into these things , they would only say those "wows" and everything. That time when i thought of it , fear gripped me. i thought i was showered by them , but in fact , i am just a seperate piece. i couldnt link to them at all.

Because we had nothing (almost) in common. Often they talk about things which i dont understand. I would just stand in a corner and wonder. And often when i tried to tell them things , they would try their best to look interested but i could see that they dont really get what i meant. They were just like "hearing" and not "listening".

Then i truly understand the word "loneliness". It does not meant that it must be no one cares for you. It could also mean that they care for you and you do in return but both ends could not link with each other. Thats what i meant by true loneliness. You could see the light , yet your hand could not reach it. The darkness will devour you each time when you tried to reach out. its a painful feeling. its more painful than you are used to being lonely , when you are used to no one around you.

I looked at my blog and my DA account. I felt pathetic and sad. No one really talked to me. I am just a pieace of glass , stagnant there. When i speak out , no one hear me. sometimes i wonder , am i that really insignificant? Do i really need to use of the way of barging into conversations to get someone hear me? no. i dont wish to do that. Not trying to sound pathetic and attention seeking here. so if you guys read this post , dont make it as if i am trying to get attention , sympathy. i am trying to relate what does the word "loneliness" means to me.

It was not great to be a scorpio. at times i wish i was born earlier or later. I am too sharp already. Sharp in a way that i could detect people's emotion very easily despite the person try to hide it. sometimes i could predict whats going to happen next. other times i could see what people are thinking. i know i sounded ridiculous here but oh well. believe it or not. but for those big fussers , please dont make a big fuss abotut his and spreading some stupid things around. i am sick of 3 years being pressured by people , i wanted my 4th year to be more calm and peaceful. if i dont even have the right to type here then shall i type it in wordpad and print it out to paste around the school? no right?

how i wish i have a few more cartridges of ink.. i wish to print out my lovely artwork to put into my file so whenver i feel down , i could look at them and at least comfort myself that i am not completely useless , i could still draw.

congratulations for those who read this lengthy post. now you know how naggy am i. you need not change your views or the way you act after you read this post. just be yourself. this post is not to force anyone to change. i jsut need a break by typing everything out.

O___O

2009-03-12T21:35:00.002+08:00

Fabulous. Oh great , fabulous. I spent 2 hours on fixing and arranging my computer. I have so many messy files around , making it uber uber messy. Oh dear , but finally its done. Also i became like some mad women and started downloading many photoshop patterns and textures. I better stop even though its so tempting! i am so tempted to do graphic design again! *looks at the lovely textures and patterns*

also these resources are good for my CG. weee.. especially those lovely japanese photoshop patterns. I am so gonna use them.. this sunday when its my play day. (pay day?) now i wasted 2 hours on fixing my computer without studying. But my comp is gonna hang soon so no choice. I shall start my maths soon again. I am glad to understand the basic chapters for emaths already. i must work even harder! (be as hardcore as me , start from the super duper basics! haha)

anyway , next time if anyone wanna use a photoshop that its full of gadgets inside , look for meh. I got 30 (and more) brushes , + many texutre and pattern packs for you fellas to use. If you happen to love these stuffs , you will drown in my lovely designing computer. (oh yes i customise my computer to suit my needs thus it became by designing computer!)

I am going to learn how to do flash and video editing after O levels. Also i will start taking photos of scenery in singapore as training for photography. I cant wait to learn how to use water colors to paint and train on realism. Theres so much to do! I really cant wait after O's as its basically the real training for my designing life. But now , lets worry for Os , dreams can come later.

sigh. its pretty sad that those around me aint really into the stuffs that i am into in. i shall go and study now. then take a sneak break by designing :DDDDDD

Bitter Feelings

2009-03-11T20:07:00.002+08:00

Hello humans. its another day. Stayed back after triple S for footdrill training. for no reason why i became a sorta an ic for the drills? O__o oh well but its pretty nice to interact with them anyway. i am leaving soon so might as well use the time to have fun with them even though i felt very far from them.

I was so worried over history for last night ill this morning. I woke up late so i did not have the chance to study , that alone almost make me break down as i dont want to fail my history. I have worked hard to keep a passing grade for my first and second test , so i dont want the third test to break the record. i am failing the other subjects already. I cant fail this. I got to work harder. And how? I aint sure either. just work hard i guess.

It seriously feels good to pour my own feelings here. Perhaps i may seem naggy but its my blog anyway. I dont have to care what others felt. + those songs uploaded here are to make me relax as i study. Listen as you like , i kinda like these soothing songs.

Today i gave a careful thought to what i want in my future. I envy those who have a decesion already. I too have something i like , i love to design , any sort of designing would sort of appeal to me. Yet it will be a hard road ahead. Not because of O levels but because what if i choose the wrong course. Designing is a course where in the future you might not have a stable income! how would i survive? i have seen many cases of people who loved drawing but gave it up due to they need to survive in the reality. Reality is extremely harsh i say. And the path i am going take is going to make me sacrifice alot of things.

"if thats your dream , go for it!" is what people told me. ugh.. this sentence to me seemed so fake. You can never survive in the real world with your dreams , passion and love. Thats just so naive. It could obviously show those people had not see the ugly side yet. I am not trying to say i am all high and mighty but i cant bring myself to believe this kind of things. In the past i trusted it and what i get in return? nothing. nothing at all.

dont mind me. i am just like this. you guys need not force yourselves to think this way.
i am just pessimistic. i need to calm down. seriously.

perhaps , soemday i will give up the pencil. should i leave drawing a good memory and regret that i could not hold on to it forever? Or should i carry on and with the tendency of hating to pick up the pencil in the future?

i dont know.
i dont know.
i dont know.

i cant make a choice.

Nearly snapped

2009-03-10T19:03:00.002+08:00

Control , control , control. Its the best key. Seriously , i needed to control. Today at the hall , i am so tempted to snap right there and so out whatever i wanted to say. I aint siding anyside for now and i wish this matter solves fast. But the mere thought of snapping , oh lord , there are so many people there. Imagine my personality changes completely. HOLY HELL. i cant imagine whats gonna happen next.

i am gonna be those arrogant fella who speaks with those ang-moh(westerners) slang. Which i very much dislike as people might think i am showing off. Not just that , i will not use vulgarities but the way i speak is so gonna be... err... *cant explain* so i hold back and control myself. all i just know its that today , i have a very hard time pulling my other personality in. i spent hours on it.. and i cant focus on emaths class (so i ended up sleeping) but luckily its ok. Geez... or else i will be the one getting shot instead O___O'''

tomorrow is history test. oh dear , a huge huge chapter to study about. I guess i shall start immediately. Also i need to rush on my F and N. Oh mama. I am scared right now. i wish to do emaths but i guess i have to push it to anyother day.

anyone fancy studying with me? do tell me! hopefully you dont mind me being borned stupid + dumb.

Another day

2009-03-09T21:03:00.002+08:00

Another boring day. I am always flooded with school stuffs , but still i have spaces to breathe. I am slowly adjusting to my new lifestyle now. No more slacking , just plain working. (exclude my darling sundays of course~) I am beginning to like blogging as its a place where i could just say out my feelings and make myself feel more calm. Wee~ + no one cares about my blog so its pretty good eh? Its not completely good to be in the centre of attention.

Many things happened if you jump the blogs. Like woah. I am not going to care about the matter as i dont want to get drag down. Its pretty big this time round so i just wish both parties good luck in getting what they want. (audience rocks~) Then i heard someone mention about my blog being tooo chim/profound. Is it true? I just type as normal as possible. Theres alot of errors inside so whats with the chim/profound part? O___o odd.

Just now i went out to the library to look for more F and N stuffs. I manage to find one more book and game over. Hopefully i can be better. Sigh sigh. I still have my amaths and emaths to rush on. Prelims are like so close and i doubt i have the time to finish everything. But i will just try my best. Thats all.

I am looking forward to sundays once again. A bonus is that this sunday , we are going to watch a play! I am so in love with Arts , the theatre , play , poetry and stuffs! I am so dam excited right now , you can imagine me jumping in a field of flowers singing merry melodies. Haha , i am so overboard with my expressions. *laughs* Now i am going to rush my F and N stuffs so seeya!

gonna reread twilight series once again.
gonna read the book on watercolors i just borrowed (thanks ling!)

To Connie :
E maths is elementary maths. Which is something everyone would learn. (the maths that we must need like algebra , trigonometry etc etc)

A maths is additional maths. Students can choose whether to take the subject or not. This subject allows you to learn further maths (more advanced chapter like further trigo , curves and circles , linear law) which you wont find in Emaths.

Other than choosing a maths , students can choose another subject call POA (principles of accounts) like the name shows , you learn accounting stuffs.

New Art

2009-03-08T20:50:00.005+08:00

Resources :
Sakura brush by : pigmonkeynsuzi
Star texture by : Me (star texture pack)

Details :
Time Used : 7? + hours (as i am a newbie)
Program : Photoshop CS2
Layers : 124 layers (for everything)
Tools used (traditional) : Pencil , eraser , Sakura Micron ink
Tools Used (Digital) : Mouse , wacom bamboo fun tablet

Finally , after almost eternity a new art! I am closer to my goal again! My goal is have minimum 4 CG art for this year and i have done 2! The other two is in the process of making :D i cant wait to finish them! But its pretty bad luck of having no printer ink. I wanna print my 2 art to put in my file! Anyone willing to help me print? It will be very nice of you! :DDD (if theres someone like this , the world will fall)

The guides camp was so much fun! Its a pity i could not stay overnight due to my backache. But i did enjoy. I got to interact more with the other guides , this alone made me quite happy as in the past , the other people in guides were distant for me. Just that i still felt lonely in the camp. All the sec 4s have their own group and i am the only one who is left dangling. sigh sigh. but i survived through it. i wanna attend the campfire , but my backache got slightly serious as i squatted too much during outdoor cooking. behold my lousy skills as the fire die off. i felt guilty + stupid in guides skills.

At least i like the way i cook the potatoes :D *trying to comfort myself*

went bloghopping just now and i saw several things. looks like a storm is coming. sigh. luckily i aint into the matter. its best not to care about it incase of more trouble. sigh sigh.

tomorrow is school again. what to do? great. hopefully i can live through it.

*i am happy as during the camp , i manage to do my revision!*

Failure

2009-03-04T22:23:00.002+08:00

everyone is being good to me. my family is being worried for me and show more care as i am sick these days. so in what way am i ill? aint gonna tell ya guys. my friends tried to help me with my amaths. i thank them. but the proper way to thank them is to work hard right? but i did not. instead , now i am planning to fail my amaths test tomorrow. i am too much of a newbie. sigh. well its not the first time i flunk a test anyway.

in this way , i am indirectly letting down those who gave me support. indirectly i say as they might not give a dam about my results. sigh. i shall get on to the positive side already. i shall do whatever i can tonight and just face the test tomorrow. but its a confirm fail , at least i did try?

emaths is going well for me. i am still at chapter 2 though but i can tackle the questions :D
i am so eager to go on to the next chapter and next. it seems like i am liking maths once again. hopefully my hard work would be shown in the prelims even though its highly impossible. i have not touch my science yet. oh well.. i have to work hard. i will make use of the time at the camp to work. thats the only time anyway to seriously sit down and work.

tomorrow , after the test , i am gonna quickly color 1 picture to upload for ya guys.
well heres another boring post right?

well , i am a boring person anyway.

Stress , sigh

2009-03-03T23:32:00.002+08:00

These days i am coping well with my emaths. i can do the textbook questions so far (mind you i am only in chapter 2 sec 3) that makes me happy and satisfied , but soon i will look for harder questions to do. Thats the way to improve , but for now i am using the first prelim to get my basics right. as for amaths , i am struggling with it. should have dropped it? nah i will still go on.

hopefully i would not flunk too badly on thursday's test even though theres no hope. Soon i will start studying Amaths chapter 1. i am gonna do my best to kill off the questions i see there! *muhahaha* (i bet i will die half way)

my back is aching again. i am more and more tired each day as i worry about my maths. everynight i wanted to study more yet my body needs rest. sigh. how i wish i can reach chapter 3 for emaths today yet i am too tired. how i wish i have more time to get a quick nap and work more on my maths. how am i gonna survie in the next camp (this friday) when i cant even rest well enough at home?

i guess i will read alittle of F and N before i pop to bed. oh gosh... we are gonna watch powerpoint presentations on our slides. i cant bear to see my own slide. i wrote it in a way that i can understand.. i wonder if the class can get what i mean... i am stressing over and coursework now.

boring post. whatever. *doodles*

New Skin!

2009-03-02T22:37:00.003+08:00

Finally , after that simple skin , i am itching to make my own skin *wipes off dust from photoshop* and here i am! Made a grey (yay!) layout featuring Kuroshitsuji (the awesome manga) I was aiming for a much more softer for my layout but in the end , instant BAH! i got the skin.

its pretty messy , so i will do a better job next time (i am gonna do a Sola skin the next time!) sigh. the words are messy.. i feel like changing it away now but since i like this skin , oh well. bear with it. things were going smoothly these days. i have gotten used to going home late and sleeping late. these days i have been studying my emaths and physics. its not much as often i fell asleep but hopefully this week i can perform better. thursday is amaths test on trigo! oh dear... i only know the basics... dang.

i dont have time to draw these days but i do have a upcoming work to be completed (check the list on the left) hopefully i can get it up by this week! Yayness~

I have been reading D.N.Angel these days and once again i got hooked on the mysteries (not romance mind you) i want to buy the manga! + i felt like drawing Dark these days. perhaps i will draw his big face on a A4 sized paper and paste on Melody's table. Bet she will scream or get stunned. Haha < evil tricks.

*looks at time* no time to draw. sigh... i am still stuck in emaths. *looks at own blogskin* oh well... *emos* what a boring post.

Cross country and?

2009-02-27T22:19:00.002+08:00

Yes its the cross country today. i ran badly today as from the start of the race , while i was running , suddenly i coughed and psu hall the air (or so it seems) out of me. it makes me feel terrible as my throat feels uncomfortable and hard to breathe. i did not do my best for this.. i could have done better but oh well.
i do hope for those who were not okay in the race to feel better now!

Stress is killing me. Its killing me physically (mentally is not affected yet) Yesterday , ithought i could study finish my chapter 1 of my emaths but i fell asleep!? and today i wanted to study any subject thats near my table right now but i am so sleepy that nothing gets into my head.

i tried drawing but i nearly end up dozing off. i wanted to color but i felt so tired. i dont want to sleep now , i want to study now yet my body is failing me. oh great. just so great. just when i am motivated to study , so many things crop up. great. *dies*

i wish to submit some doodles today but i cant.
hopefully i can submit some next time :D

Should I?

2009-02-25T20:40:00.003+08:00

Should i learn to spare a thought for others?
i wish to , i want to but whats blocking me?

Should i have apologised on what happened today?
i wish to , i want to , but i cant.

Should i just be honest about what happened today?
I want to , i want to , but i cant.

Its not a matter of pride or anything. Just that i have several reasons thats stoping me. Pathetic right? perhaps those are just excuses to cover my pride. But this time its not , as i ache when i could not apologise , it is definitely not a bunch of excuses. This time , everything is real.

but i felt unfair. why should i understand and take sides for them when they cant do the same for me? Do they understand me? no. They did not even try. Perhaps i am asking for too much. Perhaps i am just some sick and pathetic attention seeker.

perhaps , i am just a lowlife.
a pathetic lowlife who wants someone to notice her.

Satisfied

2009-02-24T18:08:00.003+08:00

I am happy with myself today. Its pretty shocking but i actually took the effort to study my secondary 3 Emaths topics! I am trying to master chapter 1 now which is quadratic equation. Since teacher cant make it for the remedial , i decided to study on my own along with 2 other fellas. After 3:30 , my buddy came and study with me. we have a few questions we struggle with but we managed to solve it! (thanks to her! thanks alot!) Now back at home , i am studying it more later. then i will test myself on it! hopefully i can make it!

Even though i am known as the hopeless case for both my Emaths (elementary) and Amaths (additional) but i am willing to try instead of giving up. Aint trying to sound all mighty , but i do fear i might fail. I have to take the step out.. sigh.. it may be tiring and i dont really believe in working hard = good results but i will just believe for once. Just for this year. I might stop studying half way but i will try to keep going on. i want to reach the proper level to sit for the GCE O levels. Its my resolution for this year after all!

I was writing in my planner that my teacher and vice principal gave me earlier and i noticed i wasted so many days doing nothing. But at least i am glad that i got to my feet and start! So after writing up my planner , i thought that its pretty good to study with friends after all. so i might do it more next time. Tomorrow is studying Social Studies with my buddy. The day after is physics then on friday is the cross country (running)! So lets all work hard! lets give our best shot for this year!

Of course , on sunday and whenever i need a break , i will practice on my drawing and designing skills. Why? It is because i am trying (and hopefully able to) prepare a portfolio to aid me for my higher education. Now the standards for getting into polytechnics are pretty hard so i want to use some external skills to get me in too! Hopefully i wont get too tired.

For my real life friends , wondering why i wrote in such a formal tone today? I will try writing like this next time as in a way i am trying to prepare my english and also for my online buddy connie to have a easier time reading. *laughs*

haah i am off to study + cging! toodles!

New CG!

2009-02-22T22:45:00.003+08:00

Resources Used : Moon brush by : KeepWaitingStar , texture by : Me (star texture pack)

Details : Time Used : 13 + hours (as i am a newbie)

Program : Photoshop CS2Tools used (traditional) : Pencil , eraser , Sakura Micron ink

Tools Used (Digital) : Mouse , wacom bamboo fun tablet

Haha a CG is done! wee i have nothing much to update after soo much killing myself due to this CG. click on the picture to know more details + bigger view. i am so gonna print this out. updated my side column. next project is the rabu rabu CG project! i am done with the lineart (70%) so rushing on it! now is all the replies!

to connie: haha i dont want to be so formal in my slacking blog. i love to slack off XDDD thanks for your comment. actually they dont mean any harm , just that its really very blank. the way i type is like boring (no pics or whatever) anyway , heres ya CG!

Adrenaline + odd

2009-02-19T23:51:00.003+08:00

adrenaline? hell yes.

Another tiring day again. helped sis with her stuffs. tired. having guides tomorrow. tired.
things are killing me these days. i sort of hope that theres adrenaline within me right now so i will do my homework XD

i would love to do more of my art stuffs.. but no choise. photoshop is not available to me right now. so i gotta wait , hopefully i dont lose the motivation to it. i have 2 more pictures to color anyway. thinking day was like on saturday? i guess my company has gotten gold again? i did not hear anything about the banner so i assume we lost. yea , i dont care. even though i felt sad but anyway many wanted to lose so that some miracle will happen. great. there goes my pride when they said that sentence to me.

but i am used to it. yea.

i am yawning and eating more than usual. it can show how tired i am. i am yawning like hell now , i need sleep yet i have homeworks not done? cant be bothered. i am so eff up tired. dont expect me to do it. i cant even do the things i like already so would i do something i dislike? hell no.

heard someone say about how boring and lifeless my blog is. i dont care since at times peace and serenity rules. dropby a tag to prove you are here is good. but if you do not want , i dont care. i reply but .. whatever. i cant phrase it anymore.

hopefully by the weekend i can show you guys (those who actually read my long boring essays) the picture i have been slaving my life for + other cute stuffs.

till then , its thinking day for guides and I.
i need to think alot. how am i gonna sleep tonight anyway?

Feeling Great

2009-02-17T22:36:00.003+08:00

Yes today is a great day full of laughter and smiles. even though the 2.4km running is tough but at least it sure relieves stress! It makes you forget the unhappy things or okay just simply anything. i felt great after the run even though i am going to die of exhaustion.

The second half of the day is basically the total defence training and stuffs. nothing much but we laughed alot even though the first few modules were boring and made me sleep. but at least i got a few pointers.

My buddies came over my house today for some maths help. shu qi taught me what i need to know the rest is up to me to practice or not! so i am gonna practice after the history test. Also all of us were high-ing over the game Project Powder. watching them race and had so much fun despite the little time warms me up. i sure felt great!

Phew finally revamped my blogskin even though its messy. trying to get more pictures in as my blog is so wordy. but it cant be helped. words could express one's feelings when pictures cant. i dont take photos neither do i have art stuffs to post so its basically nothing?

About the picture i am CGing right now.. finally i am done with the base colors and skin shadings. the background was half done as i wondered whether to add more sparkling effects or not. tired tired for the cg. its killing. but if i am able to finish it , how happy would i be? so gonna print it out and go ga-ga-ing over my not so awesome work~

oh dear theres history test tomorrow! *hurries off*

Tired

2009-02-16T22:54:00.002+08:00

Phew.. for the last few days i was dead tired. CG a picture for 8 hours + straight (includes slacking) but its not even half done yet!? oh dear. i will try to finish by this week and print it out if its sucessful so i can bring it around to motivate myself to draw better + study. i have another picture ready for CG! *weee* i am soo looking forward to it :D

I slept in Amaths today just because i got tired of waiting for question 3 in exercies 12.1 (amaths) to be helped with. (i have done 1 and 2 quite quickly) sigh sigh.. the teacher woke me up two times.. how pathetic i am. but at least i got around on how to do a tangent graph today. no completely but at least i still understand slightly if i look at a question. i am improving right? thats a good news because i am working hard for the first prelim. but fatigue often overcome me that i got sleepy and did not get around studying. *sigh* i will try.

So... what else? geez i envy those with many skills.. but envying others wont work.. i have to work hard myself. for now its studying. after Os , i am gonna do many other wierd and different things. haha watch me then! asigh.. changing my blogskin now as i wanna add more stuffs in. *goes to edit*

Mutters and?

2009-02-10T18:48:00.002+08:00

Control is the key. I need more self control , i need to be more patient than getting angry so easily. i did change , but in what way? i dont know either. What i know is that i am tired.. studying and more studying. Its quite hard to breathe at times but the teachers are worse i say. they worked much more harder than us.. so i must do my best too! (in both temper control + school)

sigh. i cant get emaths. i dont know why but i cant concentrate? Okay thats okay in one part. Lets look at another pint of view : I can concentrate + understand (or so it seems) Amaths but not Emaths!? what in the world is going on? lets just say i am the wierd one. Luckily i can cope with F & N but the harder part comes later so i must brace myself. I would hope that i could get at least a B3 for F & N. It will definitely help me in pulling up my marks. My english is fine too , thats lucky but i know the fact that "O" level english would be harder.

sigh sigh. what can i do about it? work hard of course.

Physics and Chemistry is hard for me. i gotta brace up and study instead of doing it in the last minute. well i know the fact that i am dumb thus i have to start early. i believe working hard would help.. if it doesnt help.. then i will surrender to fate. Otherwise i am going all out. So i got to change from my attitude first. *change change!* (hocus pocus? haha)

I need to draw better too.. poly is like next year. i cant stop my steps anymore. I have to move on.. but i dont have the motivation nor support. theres no one to give me comments and critiques for my drawing in a higher level (except for the "wow" its good) not saying people is lower standard than me. there are those who are better than me , just that they dont see it. they kept thinking the "at one glance , its beautiful" kind of situation. i have to work hard on myself.. its hard but i have to. i have to. i have to. i have x10 < short cut

sigh. i shall stop.. its time for my bread goodness dinner :D
seeya! (its indeed another post of stupid stuffs)

failure

2009-02-02T20:37:00.001+08:00

tell me. what to do? what should i do in order to score well?

answer 1 : study hard.

thats the most common + boring answer you get. and if you try to use the answer , it will give you a few hundred pages of maths questions before you reach your goal.

answer 2 : pray to god

thats the relaxing way but the least efficient. look , theres only about a 5% chance that god will listen to you and grant your wish. so dumb dumbs who took this answer , by all means.

answer 3 : study hard + pray to god

this is the most useless answer EVER. it shows that you are just plain greedy for help LOL. nah no offences , seriously , this is the best way out.

---------------------------------------------------------------

okay , soon i am so gonna find out more about the shop call "Art Friends". imagine.. 10k square feet! +++ all those LOVELY art stuffs there~ i guess i can just die inside the shop~ anyway.. gonna do my homework.. so doodles.

Excellent

2009-02-01T23:20:00.002+08:00

Yayness~ It was fun today.. having my buddies coming to my house for steamboat. we laugh like crap , game like crap , sing like crap and eat like siao. lols. i love the gaming part.. everyone is playing project powder to the max! love to have them over to game again.

but if they are coming over again.. MAKE SURE ITS NOT SUNDAY. or else need go home early for studying... so saturday.. so can game till siao then stay over. lol.
shall not tell ya guys how its spent. since no one reads my blog anyway :DDD

these days i did not draw much. my hand felt odd but now i am doodling. how i wish i can earn money through drawing now... but my skills were like so stupid. sigh sigh.. next year then.

i am lazy to type le. oh welll.. if ya guys wanna talk , just talk straight to me.. typing makes me tired.

Oh Mama

2009-01-31T22:40:00.002+08:00

(not obama mind you)

Okay i am here. Presenting a new skin for no reason at all? actually i am recently stucked to a song which is sang by the Vocaloid Hatsune Miku. so , being sorta powered up , i opened up photoshop and start drawing. hatsune miku have long gren hair thus the hair its colored green. its done pretty quickly so you can see , no shading , + sloppish work. but it sorta add to the feeling eh?

so what the words in jap means? go find it out yourself.
THOSE WORDS ARE NOT RELATED TO ME. JUST THAT I FIND THEM PRETTY COOL.
so dont think wrong okay?

this skin is like pretty plain? but i like it plain. i might change the drawing above to something else , it really depends.

i am looking forward to tomorrow! imagine all my so call buddies are coming over for steamboat :D (this means mummy's gonna pretty the good food.. *drools*) haha i bet it will be fun :D anyway i am off already... so see ya!

*yay!!! finally compete the series of Kitchen Princess*

Hellos :)

2009-01-29T20:38:00.002+08:00

Hellos everyone. so hows your new year? i bet no one is willing to tell me. anyway in order to know , i became nosey once again and go all blog hopping. Everyone looked fabulous and happy on new year. kudos to you! i too have fun.. or so it seems.

Bad news. my left hand got slightly stiff. Eeeekk.. you guys will say , "nevermind , you still got your right hand , can draw de" HELLOS. which hand am i using? *knocks people out* I tried to draw a certain curve but i fail.. is it due to i did not draw for 2 days? perhaps so , since i am used to drawing EVERYDAY. sigh sigh. i have to practice. i am trying another new (+ more detailed) style.. cant afford to drop like that! hmm and i need some tools already... whoever dont want can give me :D i dont mind second hand products.

Looking for :
- Pen eraser (its a eraser but in a pen form) (or stick eraser you call it)
- sakura micron ink (if you dont want , gimme :D)
- glitter/color pen (i need for some note taking)
- color pencils < skin color please :D

hmm i myself might buy them but whoever dont want to waste it , tell me! :DD
do i look or sound so stupid? seem like begging people for it? nah , just trying to cut cost + save the earth~ < lawl.

urrg. needed more practice now.
how i wish to be able to do comissions now. *sees the money*

New Year (chinese)

2009-01-26T22:29:00.002+08:00

So pick up yer chopsticks and start eating! Today is the first day so of course , you get to wear new stuffs , eat good food and enjoy your days~~~

but too bad. its only 2 days.
grrr. (how i wish its 3 days like in the past)

before the new year i CGed (draw) 2 pics. its quite a doodle so dont expect anything much. + i am lazy to upload them here so? i have created a deviantart account. for those who love to draw or whatever , i advice you to join. its seriously good (for me so far) if ya join , feel free to comment + look at my work here :

http://chitsuki-kage.deviantart.com

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
so even though its new years.. my mind is still full of studying and stuffs. i am quite eager < not really to know the results for the banner. suddenly , i am missing thinking day LOL. i feel like doing commisions already , a good way to earn money and stuffs. < money minded.

but my skills are still..
+ today my cousin told me on his experience in Digital Media Design course. its hell. from the start till the end was like "draw draw draw". the marking is strict too. imagine 50++ people went for the interview and 20++% cant make it! so i advice ya guys , if ya guys wanna join , have some preparation first.

i am using this year to prepare.. so wish me luck? oh well.. letme off already.. i have nothing much to say.

Hooray!

2009-01-23T22:21:00.001+08:00

Finally i am done with the banner! The end product is not perfect as theres alot of this and that.. but its complete! went high for a while then i am back. + 1 whole week of test is gone! Chinese new year coming! BUT. I HEARD THAT SOON EVERY WEEK AFTER CHINESE NEW YEAR WILL BE HELL.

mummy.

Seriously i went out of mood today while doing the banner. i need to hold back my emotions , i felt back that i explode myself earlier. Luckily its only 1 sentence.. but i guess its enough damage? after that , i immediately zoom out to compose myself. its not an easy job thus i look emoish after that. sigh.. i am like so pathetic?

+ i really dont bear to write the attendance list down. knowing what will happen to them if its submitted... i cant do it at all. am i too soft? dunno. but i felt that they work hard (even though i did alot too) they dont deserve punishment?

if its to blame.
blame me. seriously its me. bad at everything.. i am useless...

so lets cross our fingers and pray we win! < what ms suganthi said haha XD

now i am going to draw.
btw : i am in love with the new deviantart layout.. < what? go find it out yourself.

Scum

2009-01-22T00:31:00.003+08:00

i am so pathetic.
i hate myself

it should be done today yet i..
i could see the unhappy expression
the expressions of letdown and distrust.

just then i felt fear and guilty
i have did something very wrong

yet.
i dont know?

i am truly
the scum of the earth.

Stress , godammit

2009-01-20T22:13:00.002+08:00

Its pretty depressing when i look at the guides banner. ITS NOT FINISHED YET. its like oh geereat. gotta finish by tomorrow and i am getting all stressed up. what to do? it seemed like impossible! and also the teachers and other people are definitely angry with me now. *emos*
how i wish i can finish it tomorrow. i cant afford to slow down. even if its gonna kill me, to hell with the banner! i am gonna finish it BY HOOK OR BY CROOK.

+ those test kept coming. SS was suppose to be on friday but suddenly today it was announced that its tommorrow. homg. tomorrow , theres chemistry mock exam! holy macaroni! 2 big subjects... it badly wanted to kill me that much? geez i envy those who can study at school.. while me stressing up all the way. my health gone bad , not willing to eat , cant concentrate in class etc etc. i just felt like sleeping for 1 whole day!

*stressed* no time for games nor cging. all i can do is doodle on paper. i cant even do a proper piece! theres a picture which i attempt to draw 100 roses on it , i stopped due to i saw my mistake. but i am going on anyway since its hard work in it. + i can barely make the arigato cards. felt so busy + sick. how i wish i could make it quickly and see their happy faces. *likes people when they are happy* sigh sigh sigh. i need help with maths.

+ today's amaths stuffs , i got so frightened that i was like gonna just walk out of the room. (i aint gonna cry haha) but i just sorta brace myself. my goal is to at least score 1 mark. *sigh* this chapter is harder than i thought! what i got are just the basic which is way pathetic right? sigh i guess i have no hope. yet i kept this will of "as long as the end is not here yet , dont give up"

oh well. i will try.

+ my left hand's fingers are getting sore already... sigh it hurts to draw yet i cant stop. sad eh? i tried drawing the realism eye but sorta fail. if ya wanna see , just ask me. i can show ya haha XDD

so why is this post so long?
ITS BECAUSE I AM MAKING USE OF THIS POST TO RELIEVE STRESS!
SHIOK AR!

Please please please.

2009-01-18T13:59:00.002+08:00

Please i beg. allow me to have some things to keep by my side. i have lost too many things already , which are important to me. For the banner competiton , please allow me to finish it , at least let me finish it , i dont care what comes afterwards. for the individual gifts , allow me to finish it too. i am not asking for much , i aint asking for anything great. i just wanted you to let me keep my small pride and dream. stop doing it already.

okay so guys whats my blabber above? dont care la. i am just stating that message to whichever god that exist. so humans(animals , aliens) , dont look too much into it.

it was pretty flippy these days. i failed to finish the banner. my photoshop got so wrecky that i am waiting for it to be okay so i can make the juniors gifts to thank them. as for the seniors.. *thinks* it might take a while.

oh well.. i sorta improve on my skin coloring already. i will post 1 picture of it later. *offs away*
reunion dinner later!!!!

fatigue

2009-01-14T20:18:00.002+08:00

i am tired. i even missed school on 1 day. *yawns* i kept staying back for banner stuffs till i am gonna break down to atoms soon but i am still here dont worry. doing my art stuffs + doing homework.

saw the art O level paper already~ it seems hard in a way yet so so in another. i might "private candidate" myself XD i am trying to decide between the theme Mask or Glass Container. getting F&N tomorrow... so pressure pressure. after this friday , I WILL BE FREEEEEEE. gonna study with mei ling after school + tablet all the way! phew i am tired.

still got a handful of chem stuffs to do. *tired* english too *tired* sigh sigh sigh. its basically studying for this year already. oh well sacrifice this year so i can enjoy afterwards right? i got this message in my head already but... I AM REALLY SLEEPY. i need sleep right now but i still got work.

great. how i wish tomorrow is saturday.
sigh. look at this awesome schedule.

This Friday : physics trial mock exam
next monday (19) chinese exam
21 : physics mock exam
22 : chem mock exam

ITS ALOT TO STUDY. DROWSY! *dies*

Status : ILL

2009-01-11T18:21:00.002+08:00

i am sick now. got a slight fever... perhaps due to i somewhat overthrow my emotions during saturday. somewhat let my alter ego out , so if i made any one shock or angry , truly sorry. its just something important to me yet its lost. oh well.. lets get on to the happy things?

i finished my chinese homework but i cant study physics due to my mind cant concentrate. thus when i am playing games , i kept getting trashed. haha.. anyway no one reads my post anyway. but hopefully there is. oh well , next monday , gonna stay back for banner stuffs. i am worried for the banner and the juniors doing it.

i am afraid i might throw my anger at them.
i am afraid a sloppish job is done.
i am afraid they might think "sloppish so what? not like tania going to scold us"
i am afraid i cant face the other seniors if a bad job is done.
i am afraid we cant finish the small frames.
i am afraid..

i might fall during monday due to being ill.
i cant fall. i am so worried. worried of the banner stuffs , till its stressing me. yet anything to do with art , i hold it in a high position. its my pride. my only pride left. the others have been stepped and battered by the others. i have nothing left. i am afraid. i am worried. i am really really stressing out.

so lets get on to other stuffs.
the Status of bookmark project.
so you might see ya name on it. dont flame me haha.

Mei Ling : planning
Si min : hair problems
Kah yarn : woohoo.. redraw =.='''
Min Xue : I CANT DRAW HELLO KITTY HAT.
Agatha : planning

so thats the few seniors who will get it. well.. why? you guys would knowsoon. i aint bias just that they helped me in some way of another + did a good job with it :D a few juniors will be selected too :DDD its a big list so i need to think it through.

gotta go. its a long and stupid post right? whatever. i gotta get drawing. :D

and.
what i am truly afraid of..
is.
my alter ego. which something i safely guard for years.

Bookmark Project

2009-01-09T22:38:00.002+08:00

say.. days passed like that. more willing to do homework already. Gotta study tomorrow after CCA open house. physics physics oh darling physics + the lovely emaths. haha i must be crazy? no? who cares.

today in guides was pretty messy. the people who were painting were slow. 3 people for 1 pic take more than 1 hour. i was aiming to finish 3 pics today but impossible le. i wanted to finish 3 pics so that the other days , the juniors can relax more then being rush.

not saying that they did a sloppy job but they have rooms to improve. i am not in a way to say this as i cant paint. *sigh* *glups down cranberry juice* sour...

err... so whats with the title? bookmark project? other than studying , to relax i will do a series of bookmarks using cging. so its for who? well since rarely people read my blog i shall say it. those who helped in the banner competition shall receive a bookmark from me. 100% by me.... i think.

if they dun wan the boomark , must give me back coz its hours of hard work!

anyway... i have already did 2 character designs for the bookmarks. i shall give them on monday if possible. *looks at list* ACCCKKK I FOROGT TO ASK HER! who is her? aint saying.

*off to make colors* might post a work in progress here. *blog hops*

Arigato?

2009-01-07T23:19:00.002+08:00

Well , school is fine. nothing in particular good. i cant handle anything , its too hard for me. guess its retribution for not working hard last year. Pathetic? Hell yes. i am pretty stressed up in a way. perhaps i am not from pure or whatever but i am like having more difficulties than a normal student? so heres whats wrong

1. banner competition
(i got this freaky perfectionist thinking that i want this to be perfect or i will bang the wall)

2. Maths (A and E)
(come on! a 1.5/80 for it. confirm die right? now cant even do homework)

3. other subjects
(F & N is rushing at us for the project.. oh dear... + physics and chemistry.. i am still dead at those)

4. O's
(HOLY HELL. chinese Os! < weak at chinese)

pretty freaky. oh well. today stayed back for banner stuffs again. thanks people for helping. without you guys , probably i will sit there and emo. those who helped with the painting will receive a little something from me. if you receive it and you dont want it then return to me. dont throw coz i will heartbreak. < LOL

i will do up the something soon. to thank ya guys. dont expect much since i am pretty pathetic. so... now i gotta do maths + CG. sigh. thats all.. dont you find my life boring? (i doubt anyone read this..) oh well.. i am typing to a wall anyway.

tomorrow going to NYP. going to hunt there (nah) just looking around. + gonna help my sis with some stuffs. so thats all. tomorrow theres double maths. + physics. i hate thursdays the most as the bag is the heaviest. *sigh sigh sigh*

"I know , you want it" LOL

2009-01-04T22:35:00.003+08:00

Thats what i have been saying to my sis for the whole day. She dont really get irritated but laugh along with me. so whats with this sentence? lets read my long story of crapness.

I was looking at a paper of my own creation (a little boy) then i saw the word "shota" beside it. immediately i sprang and draw a cuter (shota) version of it on a paper. thinking that its nice , i took out my tablet and scribbled it in my photoshop.

then i got tempted to color O_O
so i color.

after that , i thought. since the boy have a shota , how about drawing a girl which looks uber chibi/kawaii? then i doodled again , colored. and to my amazement... IT LOOK BETTER THAN I THOUGHT! so being nice < (mean) i made it into a wallpaper and now its as my destop wallie , my sis's too. (thats when i say the sentence "i know you want it")

so yes being nice < (nah) again , i decide to share the wallpaper with ya! LOL. spread the shota X kawaii LOVE! by yours truly! (see my signature there? haha)

do comment on it if possible! haha XDDDD i am going to edit my archive stuffs.. so next time i can view back my old art... welll next time.
tomorrow staying back for banner stuffs. *sigh* but oh well.. ganbatte to myself!

Questions and answers

2009-01-02T17:24:00.002+08:00

To start of the new year , i got a new skin. Pretty cool eh? Haha. i love this kind of skins seriously , big space + the stuffs i want. black and white it simply my favourite color. i would love to have grey inside too but there is. a little.

The new school year seems horrible to me. Our form teacher is pretty okay , but not my maths teacher. i am such a handicap in maths yet i gotten a teacher which teaches in a way i cant understand. And both maths i have gotten the same teacher. well i cant really blame the teacher anyway. no choice , i am born dumb. so , i dont see anymore salvation for this year.

so i need to start studying early. sigh. i still need to rush the banner (guides) in 8-10 days time. i wonder if i can do it or not. i am under extreme pressure. how freaky time is right? i cant afford to be late. I CANT! sigh. i still need to do the CCA open house decoration. i think its possible for me to run two ways. just doodle here and run here and doodle and stuffs. *O__O*

oh yes. just to answer nicely to a question that do i use photoshop gradients for my coloring?
Seems like but No.
i am a pretty picky person , i wanted absolute control. as gradient is tricky + pretty fix , i gave up using gradient but use the bucket tool , fill the space up and choose other different colors and use the brush tool to brush them in.

so its basically brush tool + fill tool. (if ya dont understand due to my terrible english , i can draw out lol)
so , to the someone out there (not like i hate you or what but i dont mention people's name in my blog :D) good luck in pursuring the animating career. its pretty hard ya know? imagine needing to draw about 200 pages and so on. also there are many great people from Indonesia and Canada coming up. so i wish ya all the best , happy drawing. ganbatte!

theres a way to get into a course in a higher chance is to make a portfolio (any file is okay) with all your good works inside. *wonders if any of ya know*

as for me. i aint going for the animator kind of path. its tooo tough. *hates tough things* perhaps be a mangaka or game designer. i dont know. but i felt that if i choose any drawing career.. nothing good will come out of it. oh well. i gotta try at least.

hopefully.
i can score well despite..

Before New Year

2008-12-31T22:56:00.002+08:00

say , what are your feelings towards the new year? happy? sad? excited?
well to me its just another year passing by. get older by a year and experience new things again.

seriously , like what the people said when 2008 arrived. they said this is a bad year and i have to agree. with thousands to million screaming in pain and dying. just because of some miserable people who only eyed for money.

but thats what adults are like. narrow minded , money minded. but we will be adults soon someday. perhaps we will have this adult thinking. oh well , i wont say much , the future is not completely in our hands.

even if we grasp it , so what? if theres a sudden shake of enviroment , you will change completely. oh well lets push aside this unhappy stuffs.

So what am i doing now? I AM STILL BEGGING/FIXING MY PHOTOSHOP! oh dear oh dear! my proposal for the banner competition needs to be given today yet this happens! the teachers are going to kill me for sure *emos*

sigh sigh. i gotta rush it tonight. sigh... what kind of celebration is this? its only full of stress. hopefully i can finish the banner fast then i could rest. my health is failing me each day. its not like i have any illness. more like i am losing my will each day. hopefully i could still finish my stuffs before the will runs out. *choy ar!*

why do i have such a weak will to live? i dont wish to die either. but whats going on?

Yikes!

2008-12-29T00:20:00.003+08:00

I HAVE BEEN PROCRASTINATING. i kept saying i would do it tomorrow.. tomorrow..

YET I DID NOT! i have yet to finish my homework... now feeling pretty miserable. gotta do it. hmm its going to the guides hike in about 8-9 hours time. sigh... i was wondering how do they do a full day hike. but whatever. going anyway.

i kinda like the way i did the presentation for my CIP. since its did in photoshop , i went for a scrapbooking style (stocks from shabbyprincess) and i so like it. not bragging how good i am but the stocks are so pretty! hopefully the teachers would accept it.

these days i did a new work. so here to show you guys. (see , i jump to graphics instead of work..)

its not finished yet.. to some people its obvious

i hate the eyes. its so stupid. i hate the art , its so stupid. i only liked the hair since its the best. the rest was pretty hellish to look at. pathetic indeed. so who is she? just a random girl. give her any name i don care.

now going to sleep already.

I NEED TO DO MY HOMEWORK! + i need to start studying already. how i wish theres someone who will study + do digital art with me...

Merry belated Xmas

2008-12-27T19:55:00.005+08:00

Sorry for thye late post. So hows your xmas everyone? Happy? Sad? Or whatever. This year's xmas for me is pretty normal. just went to eat and stuffs. Pretty boring but still in some way i enjoy it. at least i get to see my cousins again which is pretty not bad already.

I saw many people getting tons of presents. Awww lucky you guys. My tablet is already counted as a xmas present so its nothing else. Dad gave some money to us so we can buy things and yep i felt that i must be mad today. i went to popular and bought 2 physics assesment books!? i am so freakily sick. also i bought this Lyra Dobble (marker) pretty good price. oh well i need colorful markers anyway.

i love looking at my art box now. all those art stuffs inside makes me happy. *worships* just that i lack of paint. hopefully after "O" level , i will buy some watercolor to use. Copic markers (which is for coloring) is very expensive , thus i shall start with painting first. even though i am an idiot with brushes but at least , i want to paint something decent.

Soon it will be the new year again. and everyone would be chionging (rushing) with studies. Hopefully i would study.. me the lazy bum eh?

so now what am i gona do? FINISH MY HOMEWORK FIRST! *lazy*
i guess i will start doing now. after that i will go back to learning how to draw anime styled hands. :)

edit:// obviously i am lazy to do homework thus made a random doodle.

CRAP , NO PROPORTIONS , IT WILL MAKE YOUR EYES BLEED.

its just a random girl so ignore who she is.

(its done in 3mins or so thus i am lazy for the fingers)

Hmm

2008-12-19T23:44:00.001+08:00

Normal normal normal.
finally i submitted my proposal.
err homework? lets ignore that :D

So what now? of course is my usual doodling ALL day. geez nothing to do? Nah i went to the student care often too. played dodge ball and stuffs. (but in the end , i still draw HAHA)

tomorrow going to someone's house for xmas party. cant wait XD
sigh , short post then.

going off :D

Taxing

2008-12-15T23:20:00.002+08:00

Back from genting. phew , its a good break. i forgotten all my worries and troubles up there. but when i come down. Oh no , they are back to haunt me.

basically , just when there for shopping, eating and arcade. outdorr games aint my type and i was soo hooked up with games that i did not draw at all. i survived without drawing. a record indeed.

so whats with the title? allow me to pour my sorrows < nah kidding. back here , i still have many things to do...

Homework :
every single bit of english (its ALOT , 2 compo , 5 articles)
chinese comprehension left (i did the numbers LOL)
maths sec 2 and 3 paper (woot , sec 1 bye bye~)

Girl Guides :
- Thinking day banner competition (holy macaroni)
left with submitting proposal. but i was so tired. seriously sorry for late work. luckily my team got the effort to give funny ideas :D motivates me!

CCA open house decoration (macaroni holy)
- waiting for proposals.... lalala... working with jasmine patrol so not so taxing. probably i would be hiding behind for this one.

oh great.
tired. tired. tired. SO TIED UP.
so i am off... to cging.

why? so far , i guess the way to both work + relax is cging. (coloring with photoshop) so tata?

Tablet Desu!

2008-12-11T16:38:00.004+08:00

Look at the title? look at my about me page? oh yes i felt soo happy now. Finally i got a tablet , i dare not wish for it seriously , but never did i know i would get it :D I got a bamboo fun tablet (wacom) and its seriously pretty. love the whiteness , the grip and stuffs. and its the same size as my mouse pad! (imagine how small!)

now i guess i will forgot about cabal soon. due to the recent update.. i cant train my skills! + with tihs tablet around.. i kept drawing non stop till my hands are tired already.

i might update later. going back to cabal..

OH YES! i forgot about my friend's art. here ya go :

cute right? she drew it while i color it. i color it in a rush thus its quite emssy. but still i like it :DDD i do hope to color more for her next time ^^

Simple day

2008-12-09T22:30:00.002+08:00

today is quite a simple day. woke up early and went for my CIP. the kids there are doing christmas mask thus we are suppose to show them ideas.. unfortunately , the thumbdrive dont work. so?

DRAW IN PAINT :D
in paint using mouse. i swear my hand ache. but looking at the kids trying to copy those stuffs i draw and they seem to like it made my pain go away. i drew many stupid ideas , lucky its a success. after this was lunch , seriously saying its not much as time flies when you are with kids. (seriously) they gotten used to me already thus they are willing to talk and crack jokes with me.

preeeetty cool :D

hmmm i did not draw much today as both my hands were tired from helping the kids. i am a left hander mind you , so drawing using right hand (using mouse) is pure torture. but luckily i am used to it. sorta a double hander eh? :D i used my left to help them draw the parts they cant. so i used both hands haha (cheating eh?)

hmm no drawings for today obviously + i am too lazy to upload any coloring. so oh well.. tomorrow is another day. meeting my team for the banner competition. so seeya :D

Shota desu?

2008-12-09T00:11:00.005+08:00

Yes i am back , with stupid stuffus once again. Cali cali chan tagged me! Haha. For the previous red kitty coloring.. i am too lazy to finish it , thus i scanned in another of my drawing and color it instead. So whats the title about? Shota?

NO NO I SWEAR IT WAS A NORMAL BOY! (due to my sis said it look like a shota thus i recognised it as a shota) oh wheres the pic? here ya go. do view it big!

(obviously i did not do well.. i did not shade the bandage)

Oh yes the lovely brown. i love brown , many lovely shades of it. So theres a girl beside him but i have not color.. argg laziness kills. hopefully i would do it soon. :D so gotta go already.. hopefully more art stuffs soon. oh yes i forgot , i helped my friend Edlyn to color her drawing but i aint showing it now as i had not gain her permission.

so some day. check out her blog too (in my link page) even though its pretty empty...
WACOM BAMBOO FUN!! HERE I COME!

Ho Hum YES THE EYE

2008-12-04T22:43:00.003+08:00

hmmm , here i am back. tired these days thus i stucked at home. but i did some homework (chinese only) and housework. The rest of the time is my good old : cabaling (dam i leveled too fast) , drawing (OH MAMA) , cging (the eye~) , and surfing. its alot of stuffs. remember my old lineart on the kitty? i finally colored it. heres a WIP! (work in progress)

i like it. especially the eye! i can say i found a new style for it. cool eh? imagine the picture is pink but i changed it to red O_o now i am happy with it. gonna finish it! i just left with a few shadings for it :D i gotta go! so seeya! hopefully to blog more.. my tagboard is so cold.... *wind blows*

Yu-Gi-Oh! , HunterxHunter + other shouen stuffs

2008-12-02T14:35:00.003+08:00

Remember these good old series? (hunter is not finished yet though) i remembered i used to adore them thus i dugged them out to read again. Ahhh~ good old stories , i just finished them in 1 sitting. geeez... these shouen mangas never fail to amaze me. Now its hard to find mangas with these standards. i kinda like a few new ones like :

Nabari no ou (pretty cool)
Double arts (IT ENDED THE WRONG WAY!!!!)
Bleach (oh yes the action)
D gray man (hmmm...)

these 2 only. the rest i cant really call them to reach my point. but they are as good. as for the Yu-Gi-Oh GX , its boring in the starting. no offences to humans who liked it though. for bleach , i just jumped to the latest 300++ chapters , but luckily i know whats going on. D gray man? i read all 100++ chapters in 1 day (online manga). i do say its good , the starting is draggy but slowly when allen reached that so call place , everything starts to have action :D but now the drawings were rather sketchy *aaww*

oh well.. i shall put back my books already.. stop with my shouen and jump back to shoujo? perhaps next time i will post on good shoujo books. i will update later again.

naruto? its boring , the art is not strong enough , the anime is wierd , its tooooo draggy. no offences to naruto fans , just basically what i think. (one piece is way better)

Neko Chan + Cabal Blues

2008-11-30T20:14:00.004+08:00

Cabal cabal.... i am too lazy to play it. Due to my CGing , now i am still in a pathetic level. if i chiong it , prolly i level 100 le ba. but slack = lvl 62. pathetic sia.

Anyway as promised to the wall (since theres no one) i said i will submit a cg right? So lets present... NEKO CHAN! there are 2 versions , 1 is edited and the other is just the cg alone. so enjoy? HAHA. i know it aint good but better than what i expect.

cough cough... i know its like stupid by heres the edited version!

phew... me is tired. now i shall go back caballing. hmmm... maybe next time i will add in my collection of LJ + msn display pic icons. anyone interested? err maybe my wall.

Woohoo!

2008-11-30T00:17:00.001+08:00

Short spammage post.
its my number 200 post :D < lame.

i did 1 doodle today , i will show tomorrow as its pretty late now.
hahahah! XDDD

+ finally i figured out the proper skin color!
more art updates in few hours later~