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Monday, June 22, 2009 7:52 PM

GSS + etc

what does GSS means? - Great Singapore "Sale". (note the sale word)

have you ever met with a situation where you have no decent clothes to wear for going out?
i do. i am facing this problem these days.

i aint someone who loves to dress up but i do have a minimal respect for myself is to look decent. i dont have to look fabulous. just decent will do. and now i cant even reach this standard which makes me so upset. well i am a girl afterall no matter what , i still care about certain things to a certain extent. hah.

okay back to situation. so this is one day i fumble through my cwardrobe just to find clothes to wear for dinner outside. the sad thing is i couldnt find any shorts to wear. (what horror) immediately i freak out and i had to get an old washed out pants to wear. i swear i look no wear decent , i jsut looked plain stupid. shirts and pants that dont match only me hell. i swear i look plain stupid.

recently i gotten rid of my rough dry hair problem. my hair (before) was often dry , curly and messy. finally i change my shampoo and bought a bottle of conditioner to heal/treat/wash my hair and now it looks way better. it looks more healthy , at least my hair is not easily tangled and dry/frizzy. its smoother and neater (and straighter O__O) now. having a good hair day these days hah!

so apparently. tania who doesnt take good care of herself which means she does not indulge into material things landed her into such pathetic state. (lack of cltohes/shoes and frizzy hair)

thus i might shop for new things during the sale. (OMG TANIA IS SHOPPING?! HOLY HELL!)
i dont really like to shop , searching for clothes and shoes is like a chore to me. but its way better than lacking of clothes and shoes to wear right?

oh well , i will push aside my "hatred" towards shopping and shop.
to salvage myself before its too late.

*sigh*

1:19 AM

wait..

and then everything stops.



fear engulf me till my heart stops beating.

there i lay cold and still.



this is retribution.

a destiny to be lonely forever.



am i really destined to be like that? could someone tell me that it would never ever happen?



hellos! err... the one on the top was just some random ramblings. so just ignore kay?
offff tttooo bed! tomorrow is school + northpoint¬

Sunday, June 21, 2009 2:44 PM

Oh yesyesyes!

YIPPEEEE! I GOT ACCEPTED!
imagine those people getting woke up by my screamings and shoutings :D

finally , the lovely host accept the fact to host me as one of its hostees! which means i am going all out to say bye-bye to blogger and hello to a whole new website :D dont worry when its done i will tell ya guys to relink me if ya like :D

i cant wait till tomorrow or anytime to receive a mail from my host saying that i could login!
*screams and laughs like a hysterical baka*

nownownow. i need to do a layout.
but my computer is down.
and i am using an old comp.

*sigh*
gotta find photoshop. + my old codes..

Saturday, June 20, 2009 2:00 AM

Sigh sigh sigh

Did maths today. i needa dooo moooorrrreeeee.
watch a movie , great show but wasted time D: there goes time for studying.
tomorrow going back to school for more studying!

fed up with blogger for no reason at all. well actually theres seriously no reason. i jsut wanted to drop blogger already.
had been searching for a subdomain host for like ages (15mins) and finally i found 1 lovely one.
do hope that the host would accept me and i can start up a site again. when its successful , i would also shift my blog over so you guys might need to relink. its a might only though. i wish to receive the reply asap!!! i am exited to get all hands on with a site already DDDD:

imagine... i could like..
customise my own layout to my own liking without worrying of restrictions. (like blogger)
nice URL name :DD
add all kinds of my fav stuffs in like portfolio , or timetable or reviews ...
*pls ignore the above , currently mad at the moment)

anyway replies about the creative suite :

adobe dreamweaver CS4
adobe flash CS4 Professional
Adobe photoshop CS4 extended
adobe illustrator CS4
adobe fireworks CS4
adobe acrobat 9 Pro
adobe soundbooth CS4
adobe contribute CS4

with addition of :
adobe bridge CS4
adobe version cue CS4
adobe device central CS4

(video training DVD included)

effing lots right? thats why i say its lovely!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009 12:10 AM

sigh..

nothing fruitful the past few days. i am pretty much filled with fatigue and i just felt so ill. i could barely study.. all i could do is to read through my history textbook and notes. seems like i am going to flunk my prelim 2...

sigh. sigh. sigh.
i guess when i felt better , i got to study even harder than before.i am going to grab people to form study groups just to study hah! missed the class outing D: me being ill.. sigh.. why do people plan things when i cant make it. its just so fabulous. well maybe is my fault.

i gotten the casco book and did like 2 pages before being ill. i do hope that could help me. i got to feel better soon! i want to devour my history textbook along with it! i guess the only subject that is stable now is my history. exclude social studies lah.. nothing gets in.

my amaths is in the CMI state. i guess i am going to get an F9 for it? till now , i know absolute nothing about amaths. kill me.. why didnt i drop it? i believe the fact not to give up. so. oh well i am not giving up. i am going to study amaths... if i can.

subjects are killing me. even my best subject which is science became one of my worst. blame on the fact i played and did not study. i guess i will switch on now.

switch on?

didnt i mention before?
i am someone who cant get determined easily but if i can , its the same as full speed engine and i will go all the way.

thats what i did for my sec 2 to get excellent results. :)
oh well.. engine starto!

*breaks down*

Sunday, June 14, 2009 10:10 PM

so in love with you...

MY ADOBE CREATIVE SUITE! OH MAMA!
(not obama mind you. neither obala please.)

itsinmyroomnow!
holy macaroni! hualalala! hallelujah! praise the revolution! aishiteru! koishiteru! saranghae! ITS ADOBE GODDAMIT!!!! the real thang!

okay. back.
well finally , i got my hands on the educational pack of the adobe creative suite which cost $99 instead of the retail price $978. its in a oh so lovely box and i cant take my eyes off it. its my new lover now , other than my art box , computer , current photoshop and papers. (lols. wierd stuff)
i am gonna keep it properly , its too delicate for me to open. :DDDDDDDDD

i will wait till a few months later to open it. for now , it shall be a major eye candy :D

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
sigh. lets get serious. for those who cant handle random long ramblings , you may stop , or else it is going to take a toll on both your spirit and body. for those who try , well good luck.


thought about my future the past few days. i guess i will rethink about it after my O levels. i really dont have the courage to walk on to the next part of my life. i fear passing by day by day and being an adult sooner or alter.

i dont wish to be an adult. not that i wish to be pampered and taken care of for the rest of my life.. but.. i dont like how the adults think. they are narrow minded. being a kid is better as you can see things in a wider perspective.

actually , from the way i said it. i am running away. yep i know that. accept the fact that i am afraid to face the reality. the reality is.. just too much. it is not something i can handle. i cant handle the way i am now so how am i suppose to walk on? why hadn't i have been a stronger person? with more confidence to keep walking on?

ah. the answer is. no thanks to my obstacles.

thanks to that sword which had been stabbing me , i learnt more about life. yet i despise you to the core. you who are mentally within me and i doubt i can forget you for life. thats what i call the so call minor trauma. i hate you , i hate you my obstacles that never made my life easy. you are the answer to my depression.

well i know you guys would tell me to put it down already. but have you met with a situation where you cant put down before? would you know how it feels? got on the jackpot in you right? hahah.

oh well. stop with the ramblings before i go overboard.
well , probably you guys would ask : why are you so negative about life? learn to be positive!

my answer is...
i see and felt the ugly truth more than normal people.

and what do i mean by that?
tsk. you wouldnt need me to spell it out right!?

funny humans.
insolent obstacles.

Saturday, June 13, 2009 3:59 PM

errr.. Hel-lo?

i cant believe it. i am the victim yet i have to welcome you with open arms. that makes me so so plain pathetic.

actually i am curious about whats happening in the girls blogs. (well , like guys barely have blogs please) they are actually back.. no .. front .. no no ... Net stabbing? and it seems like is the same person? i dont know , but from the sentences and descriptions , i can infer its all on one person.
(infer seh =.=)

so seriously , i could see the not-so-good-with-each-other-but-not-enemies actually shaking hands and agreeing. woah. a revolution. the world is turning the other way round. so hello? i am dumbfounded as i dont know like what the heck is going on. anyone care to fill in me WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON? seriously , seeing the parties shaking hands in agreement seriously seriously FREAK ME OUT. now tell me , i know that i aint good at getting juicy info so tell me...

the world is not turning another way right?




back to my life.
i am wasting time playing stuffs in facebook and obviously i did not study. well i did.. by reading through the history textbook. coolio. felt pathetic as my friends are in geography thus i cant ask for help neither can i form study groups with them on history. *sigh*

i am getting slightly better in drawing again. which is good news. i might post some art up later as eye candies... no no... to make all your eyes bleed~

edit://
okay , actually i finished it early but i forgot to post it up. here we go , a dark quick cg.
meaning , idid not even take effort to do this.. i just wanted to finish it that badly haha.



lord of dream. self created character , which means copyrighted to me. *:D*
(like anyone would take the idea anyway lol)

Name : unknown (known as Lord of dream , or extortionist)
Age : pretty young.. 17 actually. (I KNOW HE DONT LOOK LIKE 17!)
family (spoiler) : has a sister

More info : he is known as the lord of dream due to he can manipulate dreams. he isnt a god , thus he isnt the one who gives people good or bad dreams. He is someone that enters a person's dream realm and gets informations out of it. meaning , he can enter into his enemy's realm and get the required info. due to his ability and no one knows his name , they call him the lord of dream , in a bad way.

simply saying : hey toys with someone's dream realm.

and whats a dream realm? USE YOUR IMAGINATION :D

12:11 AM

Stupid things

felt stupid these days. spending my time away like that. i am lacking the motivation to study. i dont really have a goal in the future actually. what i like is actually the source of my heartache and troubles.

how would a person get a decent job in the future with the abilities of art in singapore? barely.
i have known of this reality a long long time ago.
even if you can find a job , you would need to excel.
so can i do it? hard. i saw people doing way better than me. thats the harsh reality. even though i hate it , i have to accept it , unwillingly.

i cant accept the fact that i am a slow learner. i cant accept it! i simply cant! i have so much to learn now and i am still learning slowly? why cant i be smarter? or lets jsut say , why arent i born smart or a genius? why aint i born with a natural talent? all the talents i have , i have to train like some mad person.

people praise me for being born as a gifted child in art but thats so wrong! they have not seen the true gifted person!

all these ache in my heart.
serioualy, i cant put it down , i cant put down the judgement of being a fake. an imperfect replica.

let me think over the night.
perhaps i would be better. no tears , no sadness. just plain thinking and reflection. the best thing to do now is to think of how to set out my things.

i am going to get the emaths Casco book soon. i lack of practice. hopefully that will motivate me to work. i can do it. i am someone if i could set my mind to do it , i will go in full speed. i know it , i can do it. all i just need to do now is to stand right up , stand firmly against the harsh wind and storm.

this roller coaster ride is going to be over soon. yes it will. it will.. right?



seriously , it ache to know the truth. what i love to do , be it music or art , i could never really grasp it within my weak arms. believe it or not.. i wish to be a ballerina but i did not do anything. thus that dream float away. i wish to be a pianist but i miss my chance. i wish to be a violinist but i lacked the courage. i wish to be a better artist yet my abilities could only take me to a certain level. i wish to be all these , yet i have to face the fact being told by my parents that..

to think wisely. these are not stable jobs.
are you sure this is your future?

it seriously ache , really really badly.
i guess.. i could not do the things i love in this life?

my heart is aching now. it may seem insignificant to you all.. but its a great blow on me.
you may not understand and i dont ask you to understand.

so shut your mouth for stupid gossips or whatsoever measely humans.

Sunday, June 07, 2009 7:31 PM

holy crap

great , terrific , fabulous , its just the greatest thing on earth. EVER.
please get my sacarstic tone for this , god dammit.

SNOK! (once again : so not okay)
i did not study much this weekend!

saturday - the day of being depressed about unable to reach my expectations for my mock exam.
sunday - cooking day thus spending up hours. (photos in facebook)

sigh sigh sigh.
i better study now. or else i am flunking prelim 2 which is SNOK!

i wonder why i change my blogskin. guess am bored of the old one. + this got the vintage feel too it.

i know , its wierd for someone to like vintage + classy stuffs.
like me. from clothes to life.

STUDY EMATHS GODAMMIT!
or flunk prelim2 :D anyone can help me?







hurry , hurry up and end Os. lemme pass it with flying colors. so that i can advance more in the way i want to live. to be enriched in the Arts. to learn the violin and piano , to learn all kinds of art style , from anime art to pointilism. to appreciate art from different countries , to listen to classical music everyday , to watch how people dance gracefully. lemme get in touch with books , lemme spend my whole time reading and reading and beside me shall lay a cup of hot chocolate or milo. lemme spend more times with my friends , going out to shop or play , basically anything , just to have fun. i want this kind of life. when would it come to me? it should be soon right? i want this kind of life. and for it , i will do it.

Friday, June 05, 2009 9:04 PM

Pink bun bun OVA-LOAD.

Anyway i am back my dear readers and fans. pelase dont miss me as it gives me nothing but goosebumps. and i so not cannot draw when i am having them. *glare*




this week is pretty fruitful , exclude the night time. the times in school , i practice alot on my maths and f and n. when i got back home , i was jsut plain tired and just fall on the bed instantly. too tired. i could barely study at night. but now? hmmm i might sleep well tonight and chiong my maths tomorrow.


sigh.. my science are still CMI. (cannot make it) its really SNOK. (so not okay)
sigh sigh... other than maths.. theres still science. murder me please.


oh welll... lets jsut buck up my maths first.. i will do science when i have the time. (probably i wont have..)


anyway , used my tablet today and felt so shiok. did a new design but i was sleepy thus the coloring is messy. D: here ya go guys... the..


PINK BUN BUN OVA-LOAD.


another character design series. made to please people. *shot*
bunny + pink lovers = may like this suit more.
but dont use my design , even if ya want i wont allow D: (like anyone would use *shot*)

yawn... lemme sleepppp...
thanks for the active comments for the previous picture!

comment for this too? i know... alot of pink.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009 10:15 PM

Bleed

"It stayed so still there , so beautiful , calm and serene. The curves at the edges , the smooth texture of earth and the shining threads of life. I walked towards it , reaching towards it. Gently , i place my fingers on the thread , strumming it gently , feeling filled with happiness. As when theres a strong sense of desire devour me , the thread snapped. Causing a cut on my finger that flowed out red liquid of life.

then at the very moment , i understand. Whats yours , is yours. Whats not? Then dont bother trying to get it.

despite the many moments in my life which taught me this logic , yet i could never get it right. what a selfish and ugly greed , that i can never ever shake off."

ignore as usual if you like. nothing to do with life anyway. oh , by the way , what i am mentioning is a string instrument.
sigh.

tired. and i rarely blog. cool.
cant type much , gotta do my F and N and emaths D:
sigh.. i am going to fail the mock exam.
but at least lemme get a double digit!

Saturday, May 30, 2009 12:32 AM

phew..

seriously a little break wont hurt right? studying like a mad cat till i got sick of the subject. so i decided to sit down and draw instead. obviously i always have things to draw, and these days i am doing up character design for my buddies :D